anything brighter than even the sun
by Hamliet
Summary: After miraculously surviving Scarif, Jyn and Cassian try to find their way forward with some helpful guidance from the Force and some nagging from Kaytoo. However, while on Hoth they get some unexpected news that scares Jyn possibly more than Scarif ever did.
1. Chapter 1

**so here is away and so your is a my**

 **(with a down**

 **up**

 **around again fly)**

 **forever was never till now**

-e.e. cummings, "if everything happens that can't be done"

* * *

Jyn's never been one for awards, or success. Succeeding in Saw Gerrera's military training only led to her being dumped. Her father's brilliance led to him being held as a pawn of the empire.

Of course, all of it worked out in the end. And if she ever doubts it, she has proof in the form of this medal hanging around her neck and her having no idea what to do with it.

"If you please," Kaytoo says to her. "We're evacuating soon."

"I'm aware," Jyn says, but she can't keep a smile from crossing her face.

"Cassian said to remind you."

"I figured." She spots Bodhi approaching, the medal still dangling from his neck too. _Bet he never thought he'd get any kind of medal either. Especially not from a rebel princess._

"It looks nice on you," Cassian says from behind her.

"Thanks," Jyn says as she turns around. Cassian's tucked his medal under his shirt, and his parka's tucked under one arm. Rebels run about, gathering belongings and equipment. Chirrut heads towards one of the ships, Baze following him. Through the crowd, Jyn spots Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and the Wookiee—the ones who took down the Death Star.

 _We're still on the run._

 _But it's not the same._

She has people with her this time.

" _Welcome home,"_ she remembers Cassian telling her.

"Will you help me gather blasters? Bodhi, you get the ship ready."

"Yes, Captain." Bodhi grins and jogs off.

"And me?" calls Kaytoo.

"You help Bodhi!" Cassian hollers over his shoulder. Jyn strides along behind him, her boots echoing on the floor. "You must be glad your father's coming."

Jyn nods, a lump still in her throat. _So many years lost._

But they still have time. Krennic's hourglass ran out on Scarif, and they're still here, breathing the sweet smell of Yavin's forests even inside the base. The exhaust can't hide everything. Her father's here, they destroyed the Death Star, and they have hope.

"You doing all right?" Cassian asks as Jyn sorts through the blasters, testing them. This storage room is small, more of a closet really, with one dim light overhead. Shelves line the walls, and blasters of all sorts are lined up and thrown around, as if someone tried to tidy them up and gave up.

"I needs a new blaster," she mutters. "Kaytoo kept the one I gave him on Scarif."

Cassian cocks his head. "The one you took from my bag?" But his eyes twinkle, and a smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

Jyn snorts. "Thanks for letting me keep it."

He blows his breath out and nods.

"Why _did_ you let me keep it?" Jyn questions. Because try as she might, she still can't understand it. Especially given what he'd been ordered to do, and their violent first meeting.

"You said it yourself. Trust goes both ways."

"I know." Jyn swallows, remembering their introduction—how she punched him and ran on Wobani. She trusted him afterwards, because she had no other hope. "Thanks."

"Well, it turned out to be a good investment." He grins, and Jyn laughs, even though she still can't fathom it.

She remembers being alone with a knife and blaster, realizing Saw left her, and the crushing loneliness that she kept at bay only by fighting to be the best soldier—it wrapped around her like a serpent, crushing her. She remembers falling into the dirt on that damp planet and crying, pounding the dirt and knowing that if she screamed, no one would hear. But she didn't scream.

"This might be a good one. Same model as my old one," Cassian says, handing the weapon over. His fingers brush hers, and Jyn's heart picks up pace.

 _Forget it_. Jyn tests the blaster in her hand and points it playfully at Cassian. He shakes his head. "You don't want to prove Kaytoo right. He did say the probability of you shooting me—"

Jyn rolls her eyes. "We ready?" she asks, collecting several more blasters for safekeeping.

"Think so." Cassian sighs.

"Is it hard for you?" she asks, moving closer to him. "Leaving this place? You've worked here for quite awhile, haven't you?"

Cassian shrugs. "I've been all over the galaxy. Home is—wherever people I care about are. This place has memories I love, and memories I'd rather forget."

Jyn tilts her head up, remembering what he almost did to her father. _There were others you didn't put the blaster down for, weren't there?_

 _Why didn't you do it? Was it for my father? Was it for the cause? Was it for me?_

He looks down at her, his eyes open, brow furrowing as his lips part, shame and hope both mixing together.

"I think you're a good man, Cassian Andor," she says, because it's the only absolution she can give, and because she wants to give him a fraction of the hope he's gave her when he decided she mattered, for whatever reason.

His breath feels hot against her face. Jyn's stomach flutters as she cranes her neck, looking up at him. Her palms ache. She's kissed more than a few men, but few she cared to look in the eye.

He shakes his head.

"What?" Jyn asks.

"Kaytoo's right," Cassian says. "You continually surprise me."

Jyn's not sure which of them leans in first—he drops his head as she stands on her toes. His arm wraps around her waist. His lips break through hers, and at first it's just their lips, chapped skin rubbing against each other's, and then Jyn looks into his gaze again and closes her eyes. Her mouth opens, and he presses in, his arms holding her close and her hand clutching the back of his neck.

The door slides open behind them, and Jyn breaks away with a gasp.

"Oh," says Bodhi, his eyes bulging and mouth agape. " _Oh_. Um—"

"Are we holding you up?" Cassian asks.

"Nope. Um—good for you," Bodhi stammers. "Carry on." The door slides shut.

A laugh escapes from Cassian's mouth, and Jyn shakes her head. Cassian's fingers brush her face, turning her to face him again. This time, her fingers dig through his hair, her other hand grips his shoulder, the kind of kissing where both of them can only breath in gasps.

The door slides open again.

"Oh dear," says Kaytoo.

"Oh no," says Cassian.

"Oh shit," says Jyn.

"Well," Kaytoo says, sounding woozy, as if he's being reprogrammed again. Which might not be such a bad idea, although Jyn doubts Cassian would go for it. "We'd better get going."

"Right," Cassian says. "Kaytoo, can you carry some of these blasters for us?"

Kaytoo obeys, and the walk back to the shuttle is silent. Cassian slides his gaze in Jyn's direction, and she smiles at him.

"Well, we're here, and I'm traumatized," Kaytoo announces the moment they climb on board and Bodhi shuts the door. Chirrut and Baze sit against the wall, and Galen sits across from them. He reaches for Jyn's hand as she enters.

"Traumatized?" Baze asks, eyebrows raised. "You're a droid."

"My calculations don't always prepare me for the inevitable."

"Kaytoo, be quiet," Cassian snaps as he dumps the blasters. Baze immediately starts looking through them. "Bodhi, we ready? You have our orders?"

"Uh, yes, yes we are," Bodhi says. "Cassian, Jyn, I told him not to—but he does what he wants, so—"

Chirrut chuckles, and Jyn scowls at him. Of course, he can't see her.

"What?" Baze asks, lifting his head as the shuttle begins to take off. Galen's eyes slide to Jyn in question.

"Kaytoo's acting like a five year old," Jyn comments, leaning back as Cassian grips the edge of the ladder.

"I am much older than that, Jyn Erso!" hollers Kaytoo. "I am—"

"No one cares!"

"Jyn, he is kind of my best friend," Cassian puts in. "Even if he's a droid."

"That's sad," Jyn says.

"Thank you, Cassian," says Kaytoo. "Of course, that doesn't mean I will keep quiet about this. Surely someone with the brains of Galen Erso or the wisdom of Baze Malbus can put together that the two of you were in the blaster closet for quite a long—"

"You two work well together," Chirrut says.

"Huh." Baze eyes both of them and nods. "I like it."

"He helped me find you," Jyn offers her father, who's gawping at her. "And he's a good person."

"Well, then," Galen says, watching Cassian closely. "I don't think I'm in any position to protest, Stardust. I trust your judgment."

* * *

 **Two years later**

 **Hoth**

" _Lyra!"_

Jyn's eyes snap open, and she gasps as she jerks awake. Cassian stirs beside her, blinking sleepily. "Jyn?"

"I'm fine," she mutters, lying back down and turning away from him. She curls up. "Just a bad dream."

Cassian's hand lands on her bare shoulder. "I had one last night."

"Really?" Jyn rolls back over. His fingers interlace with hers. "I didn't know you still got those." Her stomach churns and she breathes deeply, in through her nose and out through her mouth.

She knows that the nightmares she has are about things done to her. The nightmares Cassian has are about the things he's done, the people he's murdered.

"I hadn't had one in a long time," he says.

"I'm going to pull a Kaytoo and say I find that answer _vague_ and _unconvincing_ ," Jyn replies, pressing her forehead against his. "You know you can wake me up when you have one."

 _You're not the only one who lost everything,_ Jyn remembers him telling her. _Some of us just decided to do something about it._

She knows, now, more of what comprises _everything_. Parents. Siblings. His own sense of innocence. Jyn doesn't know what it's like to murder someone in cold blood.

 _You might as well be a stormtrooper._

Not anymore. Cassian and Jyn and the rest of their ragtag Rogue One crew are working on Hoth, trying to see if they can establish it as a functional base for the Rebellion. Cassian hasn't murdered anyone since he chose not to kill her father.

He kisses her neck, at first warm and soothing, and then harder, almost desperate. Jyn sucks in her breath, pulling him closer. The air's chilled, as it usually is even in their tiny, heated room, but their bed—about the only thing that fits—is covered in blankets.

Cassian shifts so that he's on top of her, and she wraps her arms around him. A murderer and a criminal. Heroes of the rebellion.

She can still see their medals, hanging on the wall at the insistence of Kaytoo. Her kyber crystal necklace, on the other hand, stays around her neck no matter what.

 _I love you,_ Jyn thinks as she pulls Cassian down for a kiss, their bodies rocking together. _I know what you are, and I love you._ And he knows her worst qualities and loves her anyways.

 _It's home_.

Jyn's barely able to doze off again before they have to get up. Her stomach churns again and she pauses for a moment on the edge of the bed.

"Are you all right?" Cassian asks, pausing with his shift in his hands.

"Yeah," she says. "Just tired." Her head feels strange, floaty.

"Chirrut and Baze get back today," Cassian says as he pulls on his boots. "Bodhi too."

"Good," Jyn says. She misses them.

"Luke Skywalker is talking about an expedition to the other side of Hoth," Cassian adds. "Apparently there's a bounty hunter who likes to hang out there. We want to make sure he won't sell us out to the empire."

"I know," Jyn says. "Papa told me."

"If they send me, will you come?" Cassian asks.

"I doubt they'd send you thinking I wouldn't be coming," Jyn replies with a smirk. He grins.

Jyn springs to her feet. She's supposed to have a conference with Mon Mothma via holocam. Cassian heads off to help debrief Chirrut, Baze, and Bodhi.

She barely makes it into the small, half-constructed room in the cave before her head grows lighter, and suddenly she feels as if she's floating away from herself, lighter and lighter, and the floor of the cave strikes her cheek with stabbing cold.

When Jyn wakes up, she's in the med bay, with its currently empty bacta tank the first thing that comes into focus. "Shit," she says, jumping off the cot they have her on.

"You can't leave!" protests K1-B, the medical droid.

Jyn glares at him.

"You need to eat something," he insists, motioning to a tray of porridge. "You fainted."

"I'm aware." Jyn scowls as she puts the spoon in her mouth. It's not bad. "Did you inform Cassian?"

"Not yet, but—"

"Good. Don't. He'll just worry," Jyn says, twisting the sheet in her free hand. It's not Cassian who's worrying now. Her brain twists itself in knots as her stomach churns.

"We did a scan. You have no head injuries," reports the droid.

"Good." Jyn shovels more food into her mouth, although it suddenly seems unappetizing. _Eat. You have to._

"Did you know that you are pregnant?"

The spoon clatters into Jyn's bowl, splattering porridge onto her face.

Because she might as well have known. She's wondered for the past two weeks— _three weeks?_ —as the surge of nausea became more and more familiar, but couldn't bring herself to ask.

And now it's real.

It's happening.

 _Shit._

"Almost three months along," the droid says. "If you've been feeling nauseated, I have some—"

"I don't need anything," Jyn says quickly, her mind racing ahead to the mission to the other side of Hoth, to the importance of getting a base established here as soon as possible, so the rebels can regroup, to Cassian and her father and to the child she can almost imagine, with her hair and Cassian's eyes.

Tears sting her eyes. _Aren't you supposed to be putting the rebellion first? After so many years of choosing apathy?_

Jyn's fingers close over her abdomen. Her heart skips a beat.

" _Lyra!"_

" _Trust the Force," Mother insisted as she fastened the necklace around her neck._

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" she asks.

"I'm not allowed to share medical information except with—"

"Good," Jyn says, and she scrambles out of the med bay and almost runs into Chirrut. "Oof!"

"Jyn!" He catches her arm. "I'm sorry."

"No, Chirrut," Jyn says. "I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"An old habit, I think," he says, a smile touching his lips. It disappears. "You're worried. The Force—"

 _Oh no._ Jyn takes a step back.

Chirrut's mouth falls open. "Congratulations!"

 _The Force can sense life_. Jyn cringes.

"But you're afraid."

Jyn snorts, wiping at her eyes. "Of course I am."

"Tell me," Chirrut invites as he gestures down the narrow, dark corridor. Jyn follows him to the small cavern he shares with Baze, although Baze isn't there now. Chirrut sets down his staff and lowers himself onto a bench that's cut out of the side of the cave. "Did something happen?"

"No," Jyn says. "I just—a girl with my life, Chirrut. What kind of life will a baby have? We're rebels. We're not—Cassian and I haven't even talked about children."

"You must have thought about it."

 _Well, yes_. Jyn bites her tongue.

"He has too, I assure you."

"But not until—after this war," Jyn says.

"Jyn," Chirrut says, leaning forwards. "If everyone waited until the world was perfect to have a child, fall in love, improve your life, no one would ever do those things. We deceive ourselves if we think the end of the empire means the end of our problems."

"It does mean the end of the most obvious threat to our lives," Jyn points out.

"True." Chirrut pauses.

"But you and Baze had a relationship while everything fell apart, I suppose," Jyn muses. Her fingers poke her stomach. _Can you feel this?_

Chirrut snorts. "Yes. He was the bravest person I ever felt through the Force. We met when we were young, both pilgrims hoping to guard the kyber crystals and learn about the Force in Jedha."

"And then he lost his faith," Jyn says. Although he seems to have found it again, after the battle on Scarif. Albeit a more curmudgeonly kind of faith than Chirrut's childlike trust—Baze's is hard-earned.

"When the Jedi fell and the empire took over, many lost their faith," Chirrut says. "But I still loved him. And he was still the bravest person I ever knew. He's still the bravest person I've ever known."

 _And you loved each other and trusted each other even when everything changed,_ Jyn thinks. "I can't believe this," she says aloud, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around herself. "I don't know if I'm fit to be a parent."

"Jyn Erso," Chirrut says. "If anyone's fit to be a parent, it's you."

Jyn snickers. "Because every child wants their parent to be a rude, reckless, dangerous criminal, right?"

"No," Chirrut says. "But every child needs a parent who won't give up on them. And, Jyn, I've never seen you give up."

"But I did," Jyn says, swallowing. Her cheeks flame. "For years. After Saw abandoned me, I—"

"Maybe so," Chirrut says with a nod. "But I've never seen you give up on anyone you love."

Tears flow down Jyn's cheeks as she clutches the kyber crystal.

"You're scared," he says.

"I'm not."

"It's okay to be scared."

 _And I've seldom been allowed to be._ Jyn wipes at her eyes.

Chirrut gets to his feet and takes a seat next to her. He wraps his arms around her. "Trust the Force."


	2. Chapter 2

**Two years earlier**

"This place reminds me of Jedha," Jyn says as they slip through the city. "Only with more trees." Green shoots rise above them, offering some shade from both suns. Verdant vines wind around buildings, and a few violet flowers bloom among the leaves. The city itself bustles with all sorts of traders, and stormtroopers line the streets.

"Imagine if they knew who you both were," Kaytoo says.

"I'd rather not imagine that," Jyn returns.

"Go back to the ship," Cassian orders as he catches sight of their contact up ahead, dressed in the orange she warned them ahead of time of. "Wait for us there."

"If you take more than an hour, the curfew will go into effect and you won't to be able to get out until morning," Kaytoo warns. "I could—"

"You could also attract a lot of attention," Cassian returns. "Go join Bodhi; I'm sure he misses the company."

"Fine." Kaytoo walks off in a huff. Jyn shrugs as they head towards the contact. Cassian can only hope she has useful information. It's been a month since they evacuated from Yavin, and the Rebel Alliance is still desperately looking for a new base. This T'wilek promises to have some possible locations. Presumably she's gathered it from clients.

The T'wilek spots them approaching and glares at him. "Not her."

"Huh?" Jyn's mouth falls open.

"It'll look suspicious." The T'wilek's eyes narrow as she steps closer to Cassian, and he realizes what she wants to make this look like.

"Well," Jyn says. "Makes sense. I'll just—buy some fruits or something."

 _No protest?_ Cassian's head spins. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah?" She raises her eyebrows.

"It's just—agreeing isn't her specialty," he tells the T'wilek.

"It's what he hates most about me," Jyn tells the girl as she moves towards the bazaar.

 _It's what I admire about you,_ Cassian thinks. He could use a little more rebellion in him. And to be fair, she could probably use a little more obedience.

"She seems like a great woman," comments the T'wilek. "This is all for show, just to assure you." She wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him into an alleyway covered in colorful cloths, lime and salmon and coral, flapping in the wind. She rattles off a list of planets they might want to consider and shoves a document into Cassian's pockets.

Cassian presses a coin into her hand. "For your silence."

"You don't have to pay me," says the T'wilek, a shadow crossing her face. "My sister was on Alderaan. Anyone who fights the empire is a hero."

 _You might not say that if you knew the methods I've used,_ Cassian thinks. The word hero doesn't seem to fit, even with the medal he stows on the ship glinting at him, trying to remind him.

She steps back.

"May the Force be with you," Cassian tells her.

She smiles, but it's patronizing. "There is no Force."

"That," Cassian says. "I assure you, you're wrong about."

Of course, as he emerges from the alleyway, Jyn's nowhere in sight. Panic cuts at Cassian's chest, bleeding air from his lungs. He splutters. _Where did you go?_ It's not as if he can shout her name. _Jyn Erso! Yes, the one who broke into Scarif! Please execute us on sight, stormtroopers._

The suns lower overhead, drooping in the sky. Cassian bites his tongue, remembering Kaytoo's warning as he searches the marketplace. _Is that—nope._

 _Jyn, unless you're in trouble, I'm going to_ _—there she is._

He finds Jyn crouching on the dusty ground behind the market, giving several slices of an orange-colored fruit to two grubby girls, both of whom look as if their parents haven't bothered to wash them in days. He jogs over, relief flooding through him.

"Is this your husband?" one of the girls asks, nodding up at Cassian.

"Uh—" Jyn glances up at Cassian.

 _Not yet?_ He opens his mouth.

"He's my boyfriend," Jyn says quickly, the first time she's used that phrase to describe him. His frustration dissipates.

She waves goodbye and heads back down the street, Cassian at her side. He draws in his breath. "You—"

"Were you worried?"

"What do you think?" Cassian hisses as she waves goodbye.

"They're refugees. Their home was on Alderaan, and now they're trapped here," Jyn says, glancing back over her shoulder. One of the girl's mothers approaches them.

Cassian's stomach drops. "Oh. The T'wilek girl—she said her sister was there as well." Neither of them will probably inform Galen of this. The man couldn't bring himself to face Princess Leia back on Yavin IV, despite the fact that Luke Skywalker told Cassian she didn't fault Galen.

Jyn looks up at him, sorrow etched in her face. And behind her, a wave of white-clad stormtroopers, their masks dirtied with dust and resembling skulls, march. Bells clang overhead, an ominous, wailing sound.

"Curfew," Jyn breathes. "Shit."

Cassian grasps her hand and walks as fast as he can towards the edge of the city.

"We're miles in," Jyn points out.

Cassian halts in front of what looks like a sketchy sort of cantina. "You're right." Cursing, he calls Bodhi on the small radio he carries in his pocket.

"Cassian?"

"You didn't make it out in time, did you?" comes Kaytoo's disapproving tone.

"No," Cassian admits.

"I knew you were not going to," Kaytoo proclaims. "But you didn't want to listen to the odds, as per usual."

"Kaytoo—" Cassian starts.

"Don't try to sneak out," Bodhi interjects. "It's not worth you two getting caught. I'll tell Ackbar we'll be a day late. You should be able to find a place to stay."

Cassian scowls, looking up at the sky as it deepens to a dark mauve. "We'll be out first thing in the morning."

"Stay safe," Bodhi requests. "Please."

 _None of us want to lose any more friends._

"Sorry," Jyn mutters as she kicks a stone, sending it scattering over the uneven street. "If I hadn't stopped—"

"Don't," Cassian tells her. _There's no point_. Right now, they have to get off the streets, find a place to stay before stormtroopers start demanding identification. Clouds, bloated and smoky, lumber above them as he turns around, scanning the street. The marching thuds of stormtrooper boots echo.

"In here," Jyn hisses, twisting open the cantina. Cassian wrinkles his nose. "Don't look like that, you and I have both been in far less reputable places and we both know it," she snaps at him.

 _Fair enough_. Cassian quickly pays for their cheapest room, which turns out to be just up a flight of rickety steps. The room is tiny, with a sloped ceiling so low Cassian would have to duck if he wanted to look out the window. "Good thing you're short."

Jyn chortles as she peers out. "Nothing abnormal," she reports.

Cassian informs Bodhi and Kaytoo that they're safe as rain begins pelting the windows. With a huff, Jyn drops down next to him, offering some fruit from her bag. They eat in silence.

"I'm glad my father didn't meet those girls," Jyn says finally. "It'd devastate him."

Cassian nods, remembering finding Galen silent, with tears running down his face, during one of their many travels. "He may have built it, but he also saved countless other planets from—"

"I know, and he knows," Jyn says. "It doesn't necessarily fix what happened, though."

Cassian closes his eyes, remembering all the tasks Draven gave him, all those murders he committed to keep the Rebellion's secrets, to protect them all. It was necessary. Most of the time.

 _Was there another way?_

He doesn't know that he and Galen are as different as people would like to think.

"He still doesn't know I was ordered to kill him," Cassian confesses.

Jyn struggles to her feet, peering out the window again. She shrugs as if to say _no change_. "You can tell him yourself. When you're ready."

"Just go up to him and say... _hello, Galen Erso, I killed people trying to find you, and I once held a sniper rifle to your head?_ "

"Yeah," Jyn says. "He likes people who talk straight like that."

 _Oh_. He remembers the shame he felt nibbling on his stomach, on his lungs, when Jyn confronted him as they left Eadu, Galen injured and unconscious.

But he could never lie to her, and he somehow knows she won't lie to him.

Cassian gets up and catches her arm. He takes Jyn's soft face in his hand, turning her to face him. She smiles, and he realizes just how much they've been through together, and for the first time, he feels as if he trusts someone possibly more than he trusts himself.

He hitches her up as her legs wrap around his waist. She presses her mouth into his, and as her hands dig into his hair he realizes that for the first time since they evacuated, they're alone in a room together, with a bed. _The Force_ is _with us._ He can't decide whether Chirrut would approve or disapprove of that thought. Probably the former.

Jyn pulls back, dropping to her feet. "What're you laughing about?"

In answer, Cassian lowers his lips to hers, and then trails kisses down her neck. Jyn inhales, her hands digging into his back as she pulls him down, his weight on top of hers. And she looks up at him and he sees, in that moment, just how much she trusts him. "You want to do this?" he asks her.

"Yeah." She snorts as he untangles her hair from its bun. "Really?"

"It's beautiful."

She reaches up and fumbles to unzip his coat, pressing her hand under his shirt, against his heartbeat. Her legs open underneath him and wrap around him again. She reaches for his belt, and he lifts her shirt over her head. Their kisses deepen and lengthen. Their bodies meet and move together, and he knows she knows him and still thinks him someone worth caring for, and her—she has never been worthless, like she's so afraid of.

 _I love you, Jyn Erso._

* * *

 **Two years later**

 **Hoth**

Cassian doesn't quite understand why Jyn acts so strangely as they prepare for the mission to the other side of Hoth. She and Chirrut seem to have an understanding of some sort, but Jyn seems like she's avoiding Cassian's eyes, even in their small room, and it troubles him.

 _Has she figured out all the things I've done?_

He's never held anything from her. But neither has he shared everything.

 _You might as well be a stormtrooper._

 _No_ , Cassian doesn't believe that anymore. He knows she doesn't believe it of him. But there's a grain of truth in there that Cassian hates. And at night, when Jyn's quiet again, pretending to be asleep when he's awake, his fears take axes to his skull and chop, chop until his worst memories run freely, and all he sees is the blood he's spilled.

"We'll take all the safety precautions necessary," Baze assures Galen Erso the day before they're supposed to leave. Cassian rubs his eyes, trying to wake up. He sips bitter caf, hoping it does the trick.

"Coming from you, that means very little," Galen jokes. "But I'll trust you."

Baze snorts as Galen walks away, presumably seeking out Jyn, who had muttered something about needing to see the medical droid for a headache.

Cassian rubs the back of his own head.

"We better mean it," Baze says, nudging Cassian. "Wouldn't want anything to happen to you, papa."

"But Galen's not here," Cassian says.

"Huh?" Baze's eyes narrows.

His words begin to sink in. _Were you addressing_ —"Were you—what did you call me?"

"You know—" Baze begins, as Chirrut groans as other rebels rush past them.

"He doesn't know, Baze."

"Oh," says Baze, a grimace tightening on his face. "Well then."

Cassian's heart picks up pace, beating against his ribcage. His throat tightens as he catches sight of Jyn striding towards them, and flashes of the past few weeks invade his mind. _Nausea… sleeping a lot… that fainting incident Kaytoo mentioned..._

"Hey all!" chirps Bodhi, sauntering over. His smile dies the moment he sees Cassian's face. "What's the—you okay? You look like you're about to—"

"Jyn," Cassian ekes out. "What are—they said—you—"

She freezes in her tracks, eyes darting to Chirrut.

Chirrut can't see her, but seems to sense some darkness in the Force, because he jabs his thumb at Baze, who shrugs. "Sorry, little sister."

"Huh?" questions Bodhi.

 _This isn't a joke._

 _Oh my_ —"Jyn?" Cassian croaks.

"What happened?" Bodhi asks.

"Jyn!" Cassian shouts. "We've gotta talk."

Her eyes fill with tears, and Cassian can't stand to see that. He grasps her arm and drags her away from the rest of the crew, heading to a small closet much like the one they first made out in, only this one houses construction tools. He slams the door behind them. "Well?" he demands, crossing his arms.

"I'm pregnant," she whispers.

There it is. The words he's not prepared for. Cassian drags his hands through his hair, trying to breathe. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

"I just did?"

"You know what I mean, though."

Jyn looks at him with something he hasn't seen in years. _You think…_ "Because I'm scared, okay?" she snaps.

Cassian shakes his head. "You think I'm going to—" _Leave you. Blame you._ He may not have the Force, but it's written all over her face.

She swallows.

 _I'm not used to people sticking around when things go bad._

"I _told_ you," he manages, hurt spreading through him like sludge. "I said _welcome home_ —I meant—"

"Old habits die hard," she says, voice trembling.

Cassian doesn't know what else to do besides grasp Jyn's face and kiss her as if his life depends on it, so he does. "I love you." _Please, please believe me._

"You're not scared?"

She won't tolerate any dishonesty, and why should she? "I'm a little scared," Cassian murmurs into her ear, holding her body against his. He drops his hands to her stomach, trying to picture it. _My child's in there._

"I was going to tell you when the mission was over," Jyn admits, blinking back tears. "I just didn't want you to have any distractions."

Cassian almost laughs. "I see."

"We have people who will help us," Jyn adds. "Chirrut felt it in the Force—my father will—"

"Please tell me he doesn't know yet."

"I'd have to really hate you to tell him first. I was hoping we could do it together," Jyn says, lacing her fingers with his. "If you—"

"Yes," Cassian says quickly. "We'll do it together."

There's a rapping on the door. "Do I want to come in there?" comes Kaytoo's voice. "Or will I be attempting another memory wipe later?"

"Give us a minute!" Cassian yells, and he can hear Kaytoo's muffled mutters as he stomps away. He presses his lips over Jyn's ear, kissing her from there to her temple. "I'm here for you, you know that? I'm sticking around. For good. So I hope you—"

"If you want to be there for me," Jyn says. "Then you have to let me be there for you, too. So no more lying about nightmares."

Cassian's mouth goes dry. _What if you hate me?_

 _What if he leaves me?_ He knows that's what went through her mind.

"Okay," he promises.

They leave the closet hand in hand. Chirrut smiles as they approach.

"Um, does someone want to explain what's going on?" Bodhi asks. "Because all Chirrut will say is something about the Force, which I think, translated, means that if Baze says something, he'll kill him."

Cassian snorts. Jyn grins and looks at him.

 _Me?_

"We're pregnant," Cassian says.

Kaytoo gasps. Bodhi's mouth goes slack, and then he's beaming, throwing his arms around Cassian and Jyn and gripping their arms, gushing how wonderful it is, what _great_ news. "You'll be the best parents in the galaxy! That's great news! So great!"

 _Considering what both of us went through, we probably won't be,_ Cassian thinks. But they'll give it the best shot they have.

And maybe, just maybe, they will be.

"Well," says Kaytoo. "That's terrifying."

"Excuse me?" Jyn erupts.

"Would you like to know the odds of your child growing up to be reckless, Cassian?" Kaytoo asks. "They're nearly 100%."

Cassian bursts into laughter. Jyn covers her mouth, shaking her head.

"What did I say?" Kaytoo asks.

"Good," Baze says as he leans against the ship. "We could use more of those."

"Thanks, Kay," Cassian says.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading, and for all the follows/favorites/comments-I appreciate every one! I won't be able to update tomorrow (too busy) but should be able to on Sunday. Also, it's now likely a five chapter story instead of the three chapters I had planned.**


	3. Chapter 3

**now i love you and you love me…**

 **and deep in the high that does nothing but fall**  
 **(with a shout**  
 **each**  
 **around we go all)**  
 **there's somebody calling who's we**

e.e. cummings "if everything happens that can't be done"

* * *

"There's a disturbance in the atmosphere," Kaytoo reports.

"What do you mean by that?" Baze grunts.

Jyn pries her head off of Cassian's shoulder, his arm still wrapped around her. She blinks sleep away and fights a surge of nausea.

"I don't know," Bodhi says, voice tight. Cassian tenses beside her.

"It's not bearing any signs of life," Chirrut reports, getting to his feet.

"Chirrut, get down!" Baze bellows.

Light flashes, exploding across the sky. Jyn's hands fly to her face, shielding her eyes as Bodhi yelps. The ship bucks, and Kaytoo shouts various calculations out loud but Jyn wishes he wouldn't, wishes he would just _shut up_ —Cassian grasps her waist, trying to hold her still—there's a crash, and Jyn turns and cracks her eyes open to see Chirrut slamming into the side of the ship—and then impact, a hard jolt that makes Jyn feel as if her spine is stabbing up into her brain, and few tremors, and then they spin and come to a stop.

"Everybody all right?" gasps out Bodhi.

"That was dangerous," says Kaytoo. "And look—I believe it's a meteor."

"Jyn—" Cassian starts.

"I'm okay, she says, her hands going to her stomach. _Please be okay too_. "You?"

"Forget about me."

"Fat chance." Jyn peers up at him. A small gash drips from his forehead. "Cassian!"

"It's not serious." He dabs at the wound with his sleeve. "Is the—"

"Your child is alive," Chirrut interrupts.

Cassian lets out his breath as relief floods Jyn.

"I'm fine," Chirrut says. "Except I can't see, so—"

"Chirrut, not now," Baze snaps.

"It's funny, Baze."

"We just crashed—"

"We didn't crash," Kaytoo reports. "It was an emergency landing."

Jyn peers out to see a red streak of light across the sky. The ground under them shakes, and she grasps the ladder to keep her balance.

"Impact," Kaytoo says. Chirrut winces.

"Is the ship damaged?" Cassian asks.

"It would appear so," Kaytoo affirms.

"Nothing we can't fix," Bodhi says. "At least, I can. But it might be better to wait until daylight—it's too cold now; I'll freeze before I—"

"So, we're stuck here for the night," Baze says. "Great."

"You don't want me to try anyways?" Bodhi ventures.

"No," Baze says, as if Bodhi's an idiot for asking.

"We like you alive," Cassian adds.

Bodhi's face breaks into a smile. "Oh—thanks."

"You sure you're okay?" Baze asks Chirrut as he takes a seat next to his partner. Cassian rushes around, gathering blankets from the hatch, although the heating system appears to still be working. Which is a good thing, because without it, they'd all be as stiff as icicles.

"I don't know; I can't see," Chirrut says seriously. "Is my face—"

Baze mutters something that sounds like _why do I bother_. Chirrut leans against him anyways. Cassian presses a red blanket into Jyn's hands.

"Were you born that way?" Kaytoo asks. "Or did you lose your sight in an accident?"

"Kaytoo—" Cassian starts.

"It's a question you and Jyn have wondered," the droid says.

"I can put a hole in you," Jyn threatens, her face burning.

"And I can't in you, because firstly you're human, and you're also carrying my friend's child," Kaytoo says. "It's unfortunate."

"Cassian?" Jyn pleads.

He rolls his eyes and grabs a package of dried grains, placing it in the middle of the floor. He settles next to Jyn.

"I lost my sight at two," Chirrut says. "I don't remember much. Some trees, I think, and a blue sky. I loved to learn though, and my parents decided I would be better suited training as a Guardian at the Kyber temple. Actually, I begged them to let me."

"What happened to them?" Jyn asks, her stomach started to undulate. _Stop._

"They're dead." Chirrut looks pensive, and Baze studies him. "But I met new brothers there. And this one." He jabs his finger at Baze, who smirks. "I liked him instantly."

"I had no idea," Baze grumbles.

"Like Captain Andor liked you instantly, Jyn," Chirrut adds.

"Oh really?" Jyn teases, trying to calm her nausea. The wind howls outside.

Cassian lifts his shoulders. "I suppose it was obvious."

"From the first time I met you two, I could tell he had a soft spot in his heart for you."

Cassian doesn't deny it as Jyn puts her chin on his shoulder, peering up at him. "She has a fighting spirit," he offers as explanation.

"I never thought that would appeal to you," grumbles Kaytoo, apparently still sour over Jyn's jab earlier. She'll have to make it up to him later.

"I rebel," Jyn mumbles. Her stomach lurches, and she rips herself away from Cassian, staggering towards the edge of the ship where she clamps her hand over her mouth, trying not to throw up.

She feels Cassian's hand on her shoulder. Tremors rollick through her. _What if the impact did something? What if the baby's hurt?_

 _I'm going to be a terrible mother._

"You're okay," Cassian murmurs in her ear. "You're okay."

She wants to cry again, and that annoys her, because Jyn went so long without crying. She didn't have time to cry when she was training with Saw Gerrera's troops, because she didn't want time to cry.

And yet, Cassian saw something in her even then. _He liked you instantly._ Cassian's told her that, but she's always had a hard time believing it.

* * *

 **One and a half years earlier**

"You two want to continue to work together?" asks Mon Mothma.

"We do," Cassian confirms, crossing his arms as he glances at Jyn. "We'd also like to potentially bring the rest of Rogue One along. And Galen Erso."

"I'm not sure he's trusted enough to help develop a new base," Mon Mothma says apologetically. Holographic maps projected in blue and green light glow all around them.

"Why not?" Jyn demands, fire rising inside her. "His plans for how to destroy the Death star were accurate. The Death Star _was_ destroyed. You can't possibly—"

"Bail Organa was one of our most revered leaders," Mon Mothma says. "He was on Alderaan. He _ruled_ Alderaan."

"There are not always easy choices," Cassian puts in, and Jyn's heart lifts. _You're defending him._ "He made a difficult one, and saved us all in the end."

"Yes," Mon Mothma says, her lips pursed. "I agree. But my opinion is not everything, unfortunately."

"Princess Leia?" Jyn ventures.

"She would likely agree as well, but there are other allies." Mon Mothma sighs. "I don't know what to tell you. If Galen Erso has to stay back, will you two still go?"

"We're not being split up," Cassian says.

One auburn eyebrow rises on her elegant face. "I see. Am I to presume you two are in a romantic relationship?"

"That would be a fair presumption," Cassian confirms. Jyn raises her eyebrows, remembering when she was fourteen and Saw found out she and a boy were making out. He sent the boy to another group of guerillas and lectured Jyn about spies and how she needed to conceal her heritage.

 _You were the daughter of an imperial scientist. People were starting to figure that out… wanted to use you as a hostage…_

 _Did he tell?_ Jyn wonders. Because she remembers telling the boy one day.

"Well, you're highly effective together," Mon Mothma says. "This Rebellion could use more individual happiness."

 _Oh_. Jyn blinks. Cassian nods. "I think Galen Erso could be of use on Hoth."

"You two would volunteer to go to Hoth?" She steps forward.

"It's remote. It's got an unwelcoming climate," Cassian says. "I think it's a decent location to begin working on a new base. But we'd need all kinds of engineers. Don't tell me Galen Erso would not be of use there. He'd be one of the best options we have to get a base up and running within a couple years."

Mon Mothma regards them both with that regal look in her eyes. "I'll make that argument, and we'll see where it goes."

"Thank you," Jyn says to Cassian as they leave the meeting, striding down the halls of _Home One,_ Admiral Ackbar's ship. "For arguing for him." And despite Mon Mothma's reluctance, she suspects the woman's warmer than she appears.

"He's been nothing but kind to me," Cassian says, and Jyn wonders whether he was doing it just for her, or for her father too. She hopes the latter.

"Everyone deserves a second chance," Jyn adds. "I got one. When you all rescued me from Wobani and that labor camp."

Cassian stops still and turns to her, eyes wide. _You have one, too_ , she thinks. _Here. Now._

"Andor!" Draven marches up to them. "I heard you made a request to move to Hoth with Rogue One and Galen Erso."

"He's her father," Cassian points out. "And he's be helpful in—"

"I don't give a damn, Andor. It's a dangerous request, and not one I'd expect from you!"

"What?" Jyn jeers as she turns to face him. "Because you're used to him following orders so well?"

Draven casts her a disgusted look.

 _Speak up, girl, or we'll put you back where you came from._

"People are worth more than what their use is to you," Jyn tells him, fury flooding her. "Human lives are worth more. That's what this whole rebellion is about, isn't it?"

Draven's eyes narrow. "You don't know me at all, girl, so reconsider your words."

 _Not a chance_. "We have to be different from them." Jyn swallows. "We can't—we give people second chances. We listen to evidence and not fear. We—"

"Are you talking to me or Saw Gerrera?"

Cassian pales, but he says nothing.

"Both of you have forgotten what makes the Rebellion free," Jyn snaps. "Or, in his case, forget. He's dead."

"I have many regrets," Draven says, voice shaking, stepping closer. "I do. But my regrets by the Rebellion what it needs, so don't presume you know me. And I've known Cassian far longer than you have." And he stalks away.

 _I know him better, though,_ Jyn thinks as she watches him go.

"Cassian Andor," says Draven, looking over his shoulder as he pauses up ahead. "I will never understand you or your choices." And he stalks away.

Later that night, Cassian wrapped his arms around Jyn, and maybe though he didn't entirely agree with everything she said, she knows he's thanking her without him even having to say it.

* * *

 **One and a half years later**

 **Hoth**

Cassian told them all, in the end, that they didn't have to come.

" _Are you joking?" Chirrut asked, rising with his staff. "We're coming."_

" _Honestly," said Bodhi. "You are all my family now."_

 _And Galen said nothing, merely hugged Jyn tightly and shook Cassian's hand._

Jyn leans against him as he helps her back to the open space where they've all gathered. A green hue still permeates her skin as Cassian helps her sit down.

Reality beats in the back of his mind. _We're having a child._

"If you eat some of these dried crackers," Bodhi offers. "Slowly—it could help."

"Thanks," Jyn mumbles. Cassian settles down with Jyn next to him.

"I still cannot imagine you with a child," Kaytoo says.

"I didn't know you could imagine at all," Jyn rasps.

"She's never going to stop, is she," Kaytoo says mournfully.

"You tell me the odds," Jyn suggests. Bodhi bursts into laughter. Chirrut shakes his head, but he's smiling.

"You kind of walked into that one, Kay," Cassian has to admit.

"That's okay," says Kaytoo. "I look forward to meeting him or her."

Cassian wonders. What will the baby look like? Whose nose will it have? He tries to picture holding an infant in his arms and knowing that he helped create a _person_.

"You know, Kaytoo," Jyn admits. "You took _me_ by surprise there."

Kaytoo cocks his head, and Cassian bites back a smile.

"It's kind of exciting, isn't it?" Bodhi says. "It's like a reminder that we're more than just rebels."

Baze smiles, and Chirrut nods. "When you were an imperial pilot, you forgot a lot, didn't you?"

"Oh," Bodhi says, clearly still uncomfortable discussing this part of his life. "Um, yeah. It was hard not to. The empire doesn't encourage any sort of individuality. Only success, and obedience. You father, Jyn—he was one of the only people I ever met there who saw me as a person. Who thought I could be brave—that I had potential—"

"He's a good man," Jyn says, her voice cracking. "He always was."

 _There will be no extraction_.

 _I had every chance to pull the trigger, but did I?_

Cassian remembers the frustration and disgust, the fear, filling him when he received Draven's unchanged orders, how Jyn questioned him on Eadu and how,a after she confronted him, he knew how wrong he had been and knew everyone knew it, but just—he wanted them to understand, to not thin he was a bad person, wasn't just like a stormtrooper, but someone who wanted desperately, so desperately, to make things right, but not just for himself as an individual. And he watched Jyn and Bodhi stride into that meeting with the senators and knew, all the while, that it was hopeless, that they would never believe her.

 _Rebellions are built on hope_. So he went and found the other souls just like him, the ones that had only hope in the cause because they no longer had any hope left in themselves, and offered them a smidgeon of it for themselves.

Because Jyn—she showed him potential. She was a streak of hope, and he would follow her.

Jyn squeezes Cassian's arm, craning her neck to study his face. He presses his cheek against her forehead as she closes her eyes, and they drift off to sleep.

Something slams against the side of their ship. _What—_

Another bang, and Cassian jolts to his feet, yanking his blaster out.

"Is it a wampa?" Jyn asks, throwing off the red blanket.

"No," Cassian says as he peers outside through the shield. "It's our contact."

* * *

"So," says Baze as they head back from their mission. Cassian's teeth chatter as cold still clings to them, despite the heat on the ship. Jyn leans her head back against him. "You think we can trust this bounty hunter?"

"Not necessarily, but I think he's scared enough of the empire that our deal will hold," Bodhi replies.

Cassian closes his eyes. He could have killed him. That's what Draven would have recommended. It would be simpler, a threat eliminated.

But the bounty hunter mentioned a daughter, and Cassian could only see Jyn's face and think about his own daughter or son, and how long it had been since he killed someone so coldly. Not since the day in that trading outpost, when he heard, for the first time, about Bodhi's defection and Galen Erso's involvement.

"If it helps, I feel the odds of him keeping quiet are favorable," Kaytoo puts in.

"It helps," Cassian says.

"Good."

"You never considered killing him," Chirrut says.

Cassian rubs his arms. "I'm tired of killing."

"But—you only killed for the Alliance, right?" asks Bodhi. "So it's—"

"I still killed people. There are parents and children out there who will never forgive me." The ship wobbles as they hit some turbulence. He can tell Jyn's looking at him and cracks his eyes open.

"There are people who will never trust me," Bodhi puts in. "Being an imperial pilot and all. Well, having been."

 _We all keep running and running_ , Cassian thinks. _In our own ways. Jyn just used to do it literally._

 _But we're also fighting._

"So," Bodhi says, changing the subject. "Are you two going to tell Galen?"

"Yeah," Jyn says.

"He'll be happy," Bodhi promises.

"So I don't have to worry about getting a blaster shot through my head?" Cassian jokes.

"Eh…"

"That's not very convincing," Baze says with a snort.

"My father knows I make my own decisions," Jyn says. "And considering my mother had me while he was in prison, he's not one to preach about the right time to have a child."

 _Of course_. Cassian leans his head back against the wall, the cold finally seeping out from him. _You weren't ever a burden to your parents, even if the empire tried to use you against him._

He doesn't want to say it out loud until they're alone, and when he does, Jyn nods as if she's actually starting to realize it.

Jyn raises her fist, knocking on Galen's door. Cassian ducks his head, pulse hammering in his throat as the door opens and the man he was once assigned to kill smiles at them.

"Hey, Papa," Jyn says as he wraps her in a hug.

Galen gives Cassian a small hug as well, which, while not the first time he's embraced Cassian, still unnerves him. Galen ushers them into his cramped chamber, which has a tiny table, covered in current plans for engineering the base that they're trying to establish on Hoth. Galen brushes the papers aside and mutters something about tea, setting a stained pot on a miniature stove.

"How was your trip?" Galen asks.

"Fine," Jyn says. "Luke Skywalker was happy with what we worked out."

Skywalker seems far less trigger-happy than Draven, at least to Cassian. He rather likes the kid and his boundless optimism. _The Rebellion could use more of that._

"So," Jyn says. "How's your work coming?"

Galen waves his hand. "It's fine. Coming nicely, actually. In another few months, I think we'll be fully operational." He manages a weak smile as he gathers a few chipped cups. "It feels good to be using my mind for something I believe in."

Cassian swallows. _You're not a monster. Not even Princess Leia blames you._

"Papa," Jyn says as he turns back to them, setting two cups down and then pouring himself a third. "Cassian and I have some news to share with you."

" _I'm not his little girl," Jyn said to Cassian the night before. "But he still probably sees me that way. I almost wish I could be, but—" Her voice catches. "Sometimes I'm afraid he won't like the adult me."_

" _You mean your rebellious tendencies?" Cassian jokes. "From what I hear of your mother, I think he's most likely proud of you for it."_

Galen takes a seat, raising his eyebrows. "Tell me."

"Cassian and I are—" Jyn pauses, taking a sip of tea. "We're going to have a baby. In like six months. Five months. Five and a half months. So. You're going to be a grandfather." She clamps her mouth shut.

Galen's eyes widen, glued to Jyn as his mouth hovers open.

"It's a surprise," Cassian chimes in, utterly a nervous titter. "But not an unpleasant one."

"Jyn," Galen says. "I—"

"Please don't be mad," Jyn says, her voice wobbling. "It may not be the most ideal timing, but Chirrut says there's never an ideal timing, and he's right, isn't he? I'm happy. We're happy—scared, but—"

Galen shakes his head and gets to his feet. Cassian's lungs feel frozen as Galen walks over to them both.

And he throws his arms around Jyn. Warmth floods Cassian's stomach. "Your mother would be so happy right now," Galen whispers.

Tears fill Jyn's eyes as she peers over her father's shoulders to Cassian.

"I can't even—I'm so excited for you both," Galen manages.

Cassian lets out his breath.

"I thought you might be worried," Jyn ekes out.

"I trust you to know what you're doing," Galen says, pulling back and cupping Jyn's face with slightly trembling fingers.

 _Well, you're trying at any rate,_ Cassian thinks.

He turns to Cassian. "How are you feeling about all this?"

"She's the one having to make a baby," Cassian jokes. Jyn rolls her eyes. "I'm excited. Nervous, but excited."

He dreamed about the baby last night, crying and small enough to fit in the crook of his arms, and he knew in that moment how much he already love a face he hasn't yet seen, a face that maybe resembles the face he looks forward to seeing more than anyone else, the face of the woman who shifted everything in his life, whose determination inspired him in a way that all his losses never could.

"I hope whether we have a boy or a girl," Cassian says. "They turn out like Jyn." Because he really, truly does.

Galen's lips break into a smile. "She's a pretty extraordinary hero, isn't she?"

Judging by the way Jyn shifts, the word still sits uncomfortable with her, but if it's true... _So are you,_ Cassian thinks, a lump in his throat. _Even if no one ever acknowledges it._

"I love you, Papa," Jyn whispers.


	4. Chapter 4

Jyn wakes to Cassian gasping. She struggles to sit up.

Cassian keeps his eyes shut next to her, but judging from his panting, there's no way he's asleep. Jyn grasps his shoulder; it's damp with sweat. "Cassian."

He pries his head up, peering at her.

"What happened?"

"Bad dream," he mutters.

"Yeah, I gathered." Jyn rests her head against her fist as she lies on her side. Her stomach's starting to poke out now. "Which one this time?"

Cassian raises his eyebrows. "It doesn't matter."

"No," Jyn says, catching his arm as he goes to roll over. "We're not doing that anymore, remember?"

He presses his lips together, and she realizes.

"In my dream, I do it," Cassian says harshly. "In my dream, I do it—and you're—I see you on the platform, and it's too late, and I—"

Jyn shakes her head. He's told her before that he decided not to pull the trigger before he even saw her crawling along that rain-soaked platform.

The image that fills her mind, of her father lying there dying, bleeding from a wound that was never inflicted, sickens Jyn. As it is, the memories of him wounded from the blast still disrupt her sleep. The fear and how it entangled her, made her not want to move, curl up until someone found her, and all the while a voice that sounded an awful lot like Saw Gerrera's was telling her she couldn't stop moving, she had to keep going, and where the voice was, in the past, it was raining too.

"He tried to save his engineers," Cassian says. "At the risk of his own life."

Jyn swallows.

"And that made me think—he was clearly a good person," Cassian adds. "It's not common behavior anywhere, much less among imperial scientists—or anyone associated with the empire. And I didn't want to take more good people from the world." He looks at her, eyes wet and open. "And you. I couldn't do it to you."

 _And you didn't._

Jyn pulls Cassian closer, wrapping her arms around him. She doesn't like thinking about this. She wants to forget it.

But it's hurting Cassian, still.

"The empire killed my parents," Cassian says, voice muffled against her chest. "And I hated them for it. I still hate them for it. You—"

"You didn't do it," Jyn says, voice wobbling. "You didn't pull that trigger." And she understands. "There's no one in this war without blood on their hands."

"Why did you forgive me?" he asks. "When we got to the hangar on Yavin—you didn't seem like you hated me."

"There wasn't exactly much time to think about it." Jyn shrugs. "And because I wanted to, and because I didn't want to hate you."

She feels his fingers running through her hair, a soothing rhythm. "You know," he says. "When we first escaped from Yavin, your father found me on the ship when I was alone."

Jyn grits her teeth. "What did he say?"

"To make sure to treat you well. Because you were his _Stardust_."

Hearing her childhood nickname from his lips makes Jyn smile, even though Cassian can't see her in the dark. "My father's not exactly good at threats."

"Not at all," Cassian agrees. "I was totally expecting a 'if you hurt her, I hurt you' speech. Maybe with a raised fist." He's only half-joking.

"He likes you," Jyn says. "Now. And he's pretty excited to be a granddad. Much less scared than we are."

"Soon we won't have the luxury of talking when we wake up in the middle of the night," Cassian agrees. "Because we'll be up all night, as Kaytoo loves to remind me."

"He knows he's helping, right? Or do I have to tell him?"

Cassian laughs. His face rests against her neck, as if he's trying to breathe her in. Drowsiness creeps over them both.

"Welcome home," she murmurs.

Jyn's barely drifted off before an alarm screams and their door slams open. Jyn and Cassian both bolt upright, Jyn grasping the thick blanket to cover herself.

"Why?" Kaytoo asks, morose.

"How do you think we made a baby?" Cassian mutters.

" _Why_ is what we're supposed to be asking." Jyn breathes. "Why are you here? Are you trying to frighten a pregnant woman to death?"

"You wouldn't die so easily. Scarif proves me right about that," Kaytoo retorts. "Cassian said I was to alert you both if there was another wampa attack. There's been another wampa attack. It ate a tauntaun."

"Shit," Jyn says as she scrambles to get out of the bed. "Turn around."

"I'm a droid."

"Are you saying I need to ask twice?"

"I'm turning." Kaytoo turns around as Jyn grabs her trousers and shrugs into her shirt. Cassian yanks on pants and his parka. "If your child turns out to be like you, I think I'm not going to get a minute of rest between trying to calculate all the disasters the child can get up to in the middle of the night."

"You know," Jyn says as she stuffs her feet in her boots. "My best friend growing up was our droid, MacVee. I think I was trying for him, though. I still loved him."

Kaytoo turns around. "I hope you know, Jyn Erso, that I would protect your child with my life."

 _Oh_. Jyn stares up at him, her fists clenched and wet with sweat.

"Let's hope that's never necessary," Cassian grunts as he rushes for the door.

"The odds of that are—"

"That's not what we want to hear!" Jyn hollers as she follows Cassian. _You'll be safe, baby. I promise._

 _I hope._

"Wampa got in over there," she hears a familiar voice saying up ahead. Chirrut waves in their direction, clearly sensing their presence. Papa's pointing to a long tunnel, from which a blast of cold air emerges. Jyn gasps, her teeth chattering.

"No one's hurt," Baze reports, long hair mussed. "Just a tauntaun. Galen got to the wampa before it could attack anything else. We're going to seal off the entrance."

Papa's eyes find her, and he extracts himself to greet her.

"You're okay?" she asks.

"We could use your help sealing the entrance, Cassian," says Baze.

"Yes," Papa affirms, watching as Cassian kisses Jyn's forehead and runs off. Chirrut smirks, clearly having heard it.

"What?" she snaps.

"He's good for you," Chirrut says. "And you're good for him. And your baby will be good for both of you, and you for him or her."

Jyn hugs him. _Good. It'll be good_. Cassian is good, and she is for him.

"He treats you well," Papa comments as she steps back towards him. "And he's there for you. I wasn't able to be there for Lyra as much as I wanted to, when she was pregnant with you."

 _That seems to be a common theme,_ Jyn thinks, and she knows it's what Papa's thinking as well. But that was the Empire's doing, and not his.

"It's funny," Chirrut says, resting his hands on top of his staff. "Galen Erso, you might as well have been a prisoner of the Empire, but you stayed free. Because you loved both of them. Lyra, and Jyn. And without that, we would all be like Jedha, and Alderaan." He twirls his stick around. "Don't underestimate love as a force."

A lump grows in Jyn's throat. Even Papa looks taken aback.

Something flutters inside her, and Jyn inahles.

"Stardust?" Papa turns to her in alarm.

"I'm fine," she says quickly. "Just tired."

But she's not. Excitement courses through her. Jyn's hand slips to her protruding abdomen. _You're moving._

 _You're_ alive _._

She bites her tongue to keep from telling Papa. She wants Cassian to know first.

* * *

"That should keep wampas from getting in that entrance," Cassian says as he staggers back, his pants drenched from the knee down and clinging to his calves. His teeth chatter, and his toes tingle, on their way to numbness.

"Great," Jyn says brightly. Too brightly.

 _What happened?_ Cassian looks at her.

"We should get some sleep," Jyn announces, grasping Cassian's arms with way too much energy for someone who's sleepy. She hauls him into another corridor, his anxiety mounting with each step. "Night!" she chirps to their friends.

"What?" Cassian croaks out. "Jyn, is something—"

"Nothing's wrong," she says, halting and spinning so that she's facing each other. Her eyes shine, and she grasps his wrists, pulling his hands to her stomach.

 _Huh?_ "Jyn—"

"I felt the baby move," she blurts out.

"What?" Cassian's heart skips a beat.

"Don't go back to sleep now, kid," Jyn mutters, poking herself. "Wake up. Come on."

"You won't be saying that in a few months. I predict with certainty you'll be saying _go to sleep, please, I'm begging you_ ," Kaytoo proclaims, shaking his head in grave fashion.

Jyn jumps. Cassian groans.

"What?" Kaytoo asks.

"Don't sneak up on us like that," Cassian says.

"We have hearts instead of circuits," Jyn puts in."Fragile hearts."

"That is a lie if I ever heard one," Kaytoo retorts.

And then something stirs under his hands just as Kaytoo opens his mouth. Cassian's jaw drops.

"You feel it too?" Jyn asks.

"The distaste for my sense of humor?" Kaytoo questions.

Cassian can't even respond. He can feel his child turning in Jyn's womb and he's laughing wildly, splaying his hands over her stomach.

"What's going on?" Bodhi's voice asks from behind them. Cassian doesn't turn around.

"I'm afraid," Kaytoo says with a sigh. "That they have lost their minds. Ah well. One of them had a good run at least."

"Shut up, Kaytoo, the baby's moving," Jyn tells him.

"What?" Kaytoo steps forwards. "That's great news! Er—for you two."

Cassian shakes his head, the cold in his legs still stinging but not mattering. He grins at Jyn, who grins back and grabs Bodhi's hand, pulling it towards her stomach. "See?"

"Oh—oh," Bodhi says, eyes widening. He laughs. "That's—that's wonderful."

* * *

"Were you that worried about me?" Jyn asks a few weeks later as she yanks her gloves off, cheeks chapped and red from cold.

"Just a little," Cassian responds, prying himself away from the wall he's been leaning against for the past half hour, absolutely not repeatedly asking Bodhi if Jyn, Galen, Kaytoo, and their crew were back yet. Galen nods at Cassian as he passes.

"I find his answer vague and unconvincing," supplies Kaytoo as he saunters in behind Jyn. "I think he was a lot worried."

Jyn snorts as she brushes ice out of her bangs.

"Hey," Cassian protests.

"Good news," Jyn says. "We managed to get the reactors running. It looks like we'll be able to get the base going here in just another few months."

"That's great!" Cassian tries to calm himself, wiping his slick palms on his cargo pants. Jyn's eyes narrow.

" _You want to what?" Kaytoo gasped the night before._

" _You seem shocked, and I don't understand why," Cassian said as he drank a sip of liquor. "Of course I do. I love her more than anything, Kaytoo." And he thought how he never wanted to place her in an uncomfortable position, how he never wanted to hurt her, and thought yet again about how he almost did._

" _Just ask her then," Kaytoo said. "Straightforward."_

 _What would have happened to Jyn if he'd pressed the trigger? he wondered. Would she have lost all hope?_

No, _he knew_. _Because Jyn had her father's message which, even if he had pressed the trigger, would have given her the hope and courage to move forward. He would have been the one who truly lost._

"What happened?" Jyn asks.

"Nothing," Cassian says quickly. Bodhi raises his eyebrows. Baze snorts.

"Your lying skills aren't impressing me," Jyn informs him. "Come on." She grabs him by the arm, pulling him along behind her.

This is not going how Cassian planned at all. She yanks him down the corridor. "Um—Jyn—"

The door to their room slides open, and Jyn freezes. "What's all this?" There's a catch in her voice.

"Chirrut helped," Cassian interjects. "And Baze. And Bodhi. And Kaytoo too, a little, if you can believe it." He swallows. "I figure—we don't get very many quiet moments, so—"

"It's lovely," Jyn breathes. The room's lit with soft candles Bodhi found for him on his last visit to a trading post, and Chirrut helped him get Caevellin creams and the ingredients to make puffcakes, which Baze made because Chirrut insisted Baze was actually quite a skilled cook, much to Baze's grumpy denials, but from the looks of it, Chirrut was correct.

" _Stop trying to help," Baze finally snapped at Cassian. "You'll ruin everything."_

"I hope things are good," Cassian says. "Baze—"

Jyn's stomach rumbles. She laughs, rubbing her stomach. "I think we're both hungry."

"Great." Cassian pulls out a small stool for Jyn and one for himself. As they eat, Cassian asks Jyn about the work her father's up to, and tries to calm himself down. Anxiety tingles in his wrists and he rubs them.

"Why are you being so romantic?" Jyn asks, raising her eyebrows as she tries one of the fruity creams. "It's not like you. Or like me."

Cassian shrugs. "I—wanted to do something for you."

Jyn blinks. "You do things for me every day. We do things for each other every day."

Cassian swallows. "Jyn—I love you."

Jyn's clearly getting uneasy. She shifts, rubbing her back. "You told me that this morning."

"Yeah, but—" _How is this so hard_? Cassian hates himself. "I wanted to ask you if—you would marry me. After the baby's born. We can—"

Jyn's eyes bulge.

"I want to spend my life with you," Cassian rushes on. "I want to tell you I love you every morning. I want to have more children with you, and I want to learn from you and—"

Jean leans across the table, grasping his shoulder. He stops.

"Did you really think I'd say no?" she asks, her face inches from his own.

"No. Not really," Cassian says, heart thumping in relief.

Jyn shakes her head and leans down to take his mouth in hers. "What I want," she says, breaking away and kissing the tense side of his jaw, her lips brushing against hist stubble. "Is to wake up next to you every morning. I want to watch you hold our child and know that however many terrible things we've done, we helped create a better world for her, or him, and I want you to realize that too." She pulls back, clasping both sides of his face. "I want you and me to both keep trying to be better people. I want to help you. I want you to help me. I want to marry you, Cassian Andor."

He pulls her tight against him, pressing his face into the crook between her neck and shoulder.

"It's hard to seduce you when you're not letting me move," she hisses.

Cassian snorts and pulls back, his hands sliding up her sides.

"I just have one request," she murmurs into his ear.

* * *

"How is she?" Galen asks Cassian the next morning.

"Tired," Cassian answers honestly. "But she slept well last night."

"You make my daughter very happy, you know," Galen says, busying himself over tea again. "Thank you."

Cassian blinks, adjusting his parka. He could probably take it off; the room's warm enough. Especially if they're going to be drinking tea. "She makes me very happy, too."

Galen gives Cassian a kind smile. He drops a small bit of sugar ration in Cassian's tea, keeping none for his own mug. "I prefer it not sweet."

Cassian doesn't need Kaytoo to know that's a lie, but he can only mumble his thanks. "The baby's kicking a lot more, lately. Kept Jyn up last night."

"Decent preparation for what's coming," Galen says as he takes a sip. "According to Lyra." The lines around his eyes deepen with regrets he was never in control over, lines that look more like scars of a man who voluntarily walked into hell to save everyone.

 _A part of your soul still lives there, doesn't it?_ Cassian thinks.

He clears his throat, hands wrapped around the scalding tea. "Actually, I—we've talked about it, and I'd like to marry her."

"Oh." Galen's eyebrows raise. He pushes his teacup away from him. "And what does she say?"

"She said yes."

Galen's face breaks into a smile. "I'm glad to hear it."

Cassian swallows some of the sweetened liquid. It burns, stinging on its way down. "She also said that I had to tell you some things first." The sugar clings to his tongue.

" _If it's eating you up," Jyn told him as she climbed on top of Cassian, her hand cupping his face. "Maybe you should just tell him."_

Galen laughs. "She's more like her mother than she realizes."

"I know Lyra gave her that necklace," Cassian says, shrugging out of his parka.

"Lyra had a strong faith in the Force. Not unlike your guardian friends," Galen says. "I still miss her. She was headstrong and passionate, and she cared deeply—she was a good woman."

Cassian twists his fingers around his parka, now resting in his lap. His heart slams inside his chest.

"And you're a good man," Galen continues. "So—"

"I'm not. Not exactly."

"Hm?" The teacup, chipped in a few places, stops a few inches from Galen's mouth.

"I-I'm not," Cassian stammers.

"Not—a good man?" Galen asks. The cup clacks against the table.

Cassian shakes his head, pressing his forehead against the heels of his hands. Galen waits, silent. "Galen, when we got you from Eadu—my orders were to kill you, no questions asked. I didn't do it—I went out to, I had the sniper configuration on and it was pointed at your head, but I kept thinking of Jyn, and then of other people I killed—because the Rebellion liked to use me as an assassin, if necessary, and sometimes I got so used to killing it wasn't even completely necessary—sometimes I could have found another way—I couldn't pull the trigger. I didn't want to be like that anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

 _I just wanted it all to be worth it._ And more terrible things piled up, to ensure that that first terrible thing was worth it, and even Kaytoo started noticing the toll it was taking.

 _Calm down. Just calm down._ Cassian remembers the terrified informant dropping to the ground, and his stomach churns.

"It's understandable," Galen says, even though his face is the color of the ice coating this planet.

Cassian shakes his head. "No. It was a wrong order to—"

"Cassian, I created a weapon that destroyed billions," Galen interrupts. "I can understand it. And, Cassian, this isn't the first time I've heard such rumors. I just never wanted to press them."

"But we were wrong," Cassian says, studying his scuffed boots as his head hangs low. "About you. About—" _How many lives did I end just because I was afraid to put in the time to see if I was right or wrong?_

"You love my daughter, and she loves you," Galen says, and Cassian feels a hand clamp around his shoulder. Galen's mouth opens and closes as if reconsidering what to say."No one has to be perfect for us to love them, or to care about them, or even for us to have a high opinion of them."

"That is true," Cassian acknowledges. Sometimes, he almost feels as if he can believe it about himself, when Jyn says his name, when she looks at him.

Galen sighs. "We work for the cause we believe in imperfectly, however the lots we're given allow us to; some cleaner than others, but we all have our regrets. I don't know if I think there are bad people, even among the empire—just good people who are very, very lost."

 _Huh._ Cassian considers it. _Do you even believe it?_

 _You do. You just forget, sometimes._

"I wouldn't go around repeating that sentiment," Cassian warns.

"I wouldn't either," Galen tells him.

 _You trust me._

"When you have your child," Galen adds. "I think you might understand more. There is no end to what you would do to protect them, and nothing that they could do to ever make you stop loving them."

"And Jyn loves you, you know," Cassian says.

"I know," Galen says. "That was the worst part of not hearing of her. I thought she might be dead—I thought she might despise me, and she wouldn't be wrong to."

 _Your love for her saved the galaxy._


	5. Chapter 5

**we're anything brighter than even the sun**  
 **(we're everything greater**  
 **than books**  
 **might mean)**  
 **we're everyanything more than believe**  
 **(with a spin**  
 **leap**  
 **alive we're alive)**  
 **we're wonderful one times one**

e.e. cummings "if everything happens that can't be done"

* * *

Jyn is either too hot or too cold and there is no in-between. She wakes up covered in sweat and hauls herself out of bed. Cassian stirs, blinking as he lifts his face from the pillow. "Are you okay?"

"Just too warm," Jyn answers. The Rebel Alliance is now housed in Echo Base, and Jyn has only a month and a half to go. It's been a change of pace, having the rest of the alliance living with them. Less lonely.

The baby kicks her, and she winces.

"Kicking again?" Cassian asks, prying himself up.

"We've going to have a very active child," Jyn remarks.

"Kaytoo will be so happy to hear you agree with his odds for once," Cassian says with a smirk. He drapes himself over her, his hands reaching down for her stomach. The baby flails and Cassian snorts.

"Cassian," Jyn warns. "You're too warm."

"Sorry." He releases her and she rolls her eyes.

After a small breakfast, they part ways, Cassian kissing the top of her forehead and pressing his hand against her swollen abdomen. Jyn passes Princess Leia, who stomps away from a frustrated-looking Han Solo. He rubs his face, muttering.

"Are you all right?" Jyn asks.

Leia lifts her head, nodding at her. "Fine. How are you feeling, Jyn?" It's been interesting sharing the same space with someone who lost so much at the hands of her father's weapon, but Leia is nothing if not determined and strong, and only kind to Jyn. If Jyn's honest, she rather likes Leia's snappy personality.

Jyn shrugs. "Fine. Heavy. Tired."

Leia laughs. A golden droid, C-3PO, totters towards her. "Princess!"

"What was that about?" Jyn asks, nodding at the backs of Han Solo and Chewie.

Leia's gaze darkens. "He's an arrogant laser-brained miser."

Jyn snickers. She likes Han—he reminds her of herself, sometimes, and she and BAze have played a few games of Dejarik against him, but _arrogant_ isn't an inaccurate term. "Chirrut thinks he fancies you."

Leia scowls. "That scruffy-looking nerf-herder?"

"I don't know," Jyn says. "I'm kind of glad Cassian's partial to former criminals."

Leia bursts into laughter. She grips Jyn's shoulder, and in her eyes, Jyn sees the makings of a friend.

 _My father created the weapon that destroyed your father._

But she knows Leia doesn't see her, or Galen, that way.

 _"I still want to give your father a medal," Leia told her when she arrived at Echo base._

 _"I don't think he'd like one," Jyn admitted._

 _"Maybe not," Leia said. "But he deserves one."_

"Hey, Jyn," calls Bodhi, emerging from another corridor. "Feeling okay?"

"Just enormous," Jyn jokes. Leia waves and heads off. C-3PO's howling her name.

Bodhi shakes his head. "You look fine."

"Thanks." Jyn's never been much to care about her looks. "Been discussing empire strategies again?"

He nods as they head down the hall together. "I'm not really sure how helpful I'm able to be. If they're smart, they've changed some strategies since the Death Star was destroyed, but I don't know." He worries his lip. "And some of the people in there, no matter what I've done, will never be able to fully trust anything I say. They've lost too much."

Jyn grits her teeth. "You helped save billions of lives, at great risk to your own multiple times." _How dare anyone look at him like he's an enemy spy?_ If Cassian finds out he'll probably deck whoever it is. "Has there ever even been another defector?"

Bodhi frowns. "I think there have been deserters, but most of them probably just want a quiet life, and they're usually caught and killed."

"People look at my father that way, too," Jyn says. "But not people who matter." _And some see me as his daughter._

"Well, most don't," Bodhi clarifies. "But yes. I've noticed."

 _He was kind,_ Bodhi told her when she asked long ago why he decided to help Galen. _No one else was anything close._

"It doesn't matter that one or two people don't like me, though," Bodhi says, although Jyn can tell that, in levels other than intellectual, it does hurt him. "I'm here, and I'm not leaving."

 _Where else would you even go?_ Bodhi's become like a brother to her, too. It's funny, after so many years of chafing loneliness, Jyn feels nothing of the sort here, isolated as the base is. "You know my father looks at you almost like a son, right?" she asks.

Bodhi freezes in the hallway. He blinks rapidly, and then a small smile comes over his face. "I'm beginning to think Kaytoo's right about you."

"What?" Jyn yelps.

"You behave unexpectedly." He nods. "I've got to go talk to some of the other pilots. Thanks, Jyn."

"See you."

Jyn has an hour or so before she needs to meet with Admiral Raddus, and heads back to her tiny room to lie down. Now, of course, she's cold, and Cassian's not here for her to curl up against. Jyn folds in on herself anyways, wrapping her arms around her belly and dreaming of her own mother and the droid they had when she was a child, MacVee.

And then she dreams that she's walking through that soaked field, gun in her hand, and Krennic's standing there with his white cape billowing, facing off with her father, and with Cassian, and Mother's not there but _she_ is, blaster clutched in her sweaty palm.

And the Death Trooper shoots at her, the same scene as always, except the blaster hits her instead of Mother and Cassian's there and it's not right, something's not right, the shot sliced through her and still grips her in a vice of pain.

Jyn gags as she wakes up, disoriented.

 _Hoth,_ she reminds herself, struggling to think clearly. Her hands shake.

And her stomach hurts. Jyn rolls her eyes and settles back down, on her other side this time. Usually that makes the fake contractions dissipate.

Except every time she tries to drift back to sleep, more pain squeezes her, as if each of her pelvis is being ground into powder. Jyn arches her back. _Go_ away _already_.

 _What if it's real this time?_

 _It can't be_ , Jyn thinks. _It's too early. Unless something's wrong._

 _Please no,_ Jyn begs the Force. Her fingers finger her necklace.

She tries to struggle to her feet as another contraction hits, and the pain sends waves of nausea up through Jyn's chest and down her arms, to her fingertips.

 _I need to get to the med bay._

She grits her teeth to keep from screaming. Even when she broke her leg at twelve during a training exercise for Saw Gerrera, she didn't remember pain like this.

 _Cassian, where are you?_

She's an idiot. He would have no reason to suspect something's wrong.

 _Help me_ , she begs through the Force. "I am one with the Force," Jyn wheezes, her jaw aching from being clenched so tightly. "And the Force is with me. I am one—" She clamps her hand over her mouth, trying not to scream. A small cry emerges.

 _Get up. You can do it._ Jyn gets to her feet, stumbling out the door. The pain fades, but only for a bit before it tears at her again.

"Jyn!"

She cringes as she looks up. Chirrut and Baze stare down at her, faces identical masks of concern. Well, Chirrut stares in her direction at any rate. "What are you doing here?"

"I felt that you were in danger," Chirrut states.

 _I hope not._ "I need help," Jyn pants. "I think I'm in labor—and it's way too early—" Her voice breaks. _What if they're too small to make it?_

 _I can't lose my baby._

"I'll get you to the med bay," Baze grunts. "Chirrut—"

"I'll find Cassian," Chirrut says.

"How did you know to find me?" Jyn manages as Chirrut hurries away, staff in front of him.

"The Force," Baze answers, lips turning into an almost-smile. He grabs Jyn and hoists her up.

 _I hate being carried._ But Jyn doesn't have a choice. Her eyes burn as she squeezes them shut, trying not to scream.

* * *

"Captain Andor!" He hears the shout behind him and whirls around, confused.

Chirrut heads towards him, his jaw set in a frown. Bodhi sets the pile of plans they're working on, for their next mission, which will _finally_ be off planet again.

"Is something wrong?" Bodhi asks.

"Jyn's in labor," Chirrut informs him.

The caf Cassian drank suddenly lurches back up his throat. "She—it's too early—"

"Apparently your child has a mind of its own," Chirrut says.

"That shouldn't be as unexpected as it is," Kaytoo says. "And you should already be running down the hall, Cassian."

Cassian realizes his hands are shaking. He turns to Bodhi. "Can you find and tell Galen?"

Bodhi nods, scrambling off in the other direction. Cassian breaks into a run, flying down the steps and winding through the narrow corridors. He overhears C-3PO muttering something about Luke Skywalker taking too long to return and pushes it out of his mind. If Jyn's—

He bursts through the med bay to hear Jyn screaming. The medical droid, K1, meanders around her. Sweat slicks Jyn's face and her pallor looks almost gray.

Cassian rushes to her side, grasping her hand. "I'm here," he promises her. "I'm here."

"Something's wrong," Jyn gasps out, twitching and arching as the droid tries to press something against her stomach.

"Stay still," snaps the droid as Kaytoo and Chirrut finally catch up.

"It's okay," Cassian forces himself to say. "I'm here. I've got you." He tries to hold her so that she can't writhe. His heart pounds. Baze stands nearby, face creased in worry.

"Your baby is upside down," says K1.

"What?" demands Cassian as Jyn bites her lip so hard blood trickles down her chin. "What does that mean?"

"It means they're going to have to do an operation," says Kaytoo. "To get the baby out. If you try to give birth naturally, the risk to you and your child goes up by—"

Cassian's blood runs cold. "Are we—"

"We have bacta," says Kaytoo. "The odds are quite favorable."

For one, Cassian doesn't feel assuaged by Kaytoo's affirmations. He sucks in his breath, glancing down at Jyn, whose eyes are wide and terrified.

"I'm sure K1 has pain medicine to manage it," Kaytoo adds.

Cassian can hear the muttered sounds of Chirrut praying as he and Baze leave the med bay. Jyn's free hand clutches her kyber crystal necklace, the one she's said her mother gave her, the last thing her mother gave her.

 _Trust the Force._

Cassian reaches his free hand out to cover the hand clutching the necklace. He presses his forehead against hers as K1 and Kaytoo meander about, getting things ready, injecting Jyn in the spine with some kind of numbing medication. Cassian helps her sit up and lean forward, unable to look himself. And he remembers when he first saw her, how she fought off her own rescue—and fought well, how her wildness reminded him of himself. He thinks of her telling him that _trust goes both ways_ , and how he knew she had stolen the blaster from his bag and decided to leave her with it, decided to give her the chance someone one gave him, how when he saw her on that platform on Eadu his heart almost exploded in his chest, because he knew he couldn't stand it if she died and knew that he almost hurt her in a way she clearly preferred less than death.

And still she didn't hate him.

Jyn's eyes fixate on him, and Cassian holds her as he hears Kaytoo and K1 preparing. "Everything's going to work out," Cassian says. "It'll be all right."

"You need to hear that more than I do," Jyn chokes out, her grip so tight his bones might snap in two.

He snorts. "Maybe."

"Can you feel anything, Jyn? And I'll know if you're lying," calls Kaytoo.

"Why would I lie about that?" Jyn snaps. "You think I want to be in pain? I can't feel anything, Kaytoo." Tear tracks from earlier mar her face, and Cassian cringes. He has no idea what the pain of labor is like and never wants to find out.

"Take deep breaths, Jyn," orders Kaytoo. She gasps.

"Pain?" Cassian questions.

She shakes her head. "Pressure," she mumbles. She lifts her head as if to peer over, and Cassian leans across to block her view. "Let me—"

"Cassian, if she sees this, the odds of both of you fainting go up to 80%," Kaytoo snaps.

"It feels like they're pulling my insides out," Jyn groans.

"That's basically what they are doing," Cassian points out, although the thought—and that crimson image—blurs in his mind.

"Don't you dare," Jyn snarls, her nails digging into his hand.

A cry.

Cassian can't help it now, and neither can Jyn. She cranks her head up and he whirls around. For a moment, all he sees is the blood splattered everywhere, soaking through the cot and the glinting scalpel in K1's mechanical hand.

And then Kaytoo steps over to him, reaching down towards Jyn and placing a red-faced, wrinkled, screaming infant against her chest. "Congratulations," Kaytoo says. "You have a son."

* * *

Cassian's crying.

Jyn can see the tears running down his face, and she can feel her son—her _son_ —pressed against her. She strokes his hair—dark, and a fair amount of it—and her son's tiny fist closes around Cassian's finger.

 _You're here_. And Jyn can only think how she doesn't want to let him down, how she knows she will at some point. _I'm not a perfect hero, but I love you._

"He's breathing well," reports K1. "We'll have to watch him carefully over the next few days."

She feels something on her abdomen now—bacta, probably—but she can't concentrate on that. Her son's eyes open, blue like all babies', and find her. A lump grows in Jyn's throat. _Do you know me already?_

 _You're alive. You're here, and you're okay_. Jyn's crying too now, her breath coming in short gasps.

"Calm down," Kaytoo orders. "I _am_ happy for you, but we need to close your wound and you crying isn't helping."

"You have to drive him crazy for your papa and me," Jyn tells her son. She kisses the top of his head—he's still covered in blood, her blood. He's screaming, a soft baby scream, and it's the most beautiful sound she's ever heard. The droids fade, and she's only aware of the baby nestling against her chest and Cassian with one hand in his son's and one hand on her neck, mumbling how much he loves them.

The baby quiets down and Jyn's heart skips a beat. _Oh no._

But he starts crying again the moment Kaytoo tries to move him, saying something about how they need to quickly wash him and then he'll be right back, and Jyn needs to get cleaned up too. Cassian leaps to his feet, following Kaytoo around.

 _He's going to be a great father_ , Jyn thinks.

And then Cassian and their son are back, and Jyn's heart melts at the sight of Cassian cradling their tiny son in his arms. He could almost fit in one of Cassian's hands.

"I believe there are friends who will want to visit," Kaytoo says after he and K1 finish mopping away the blood. Not that Jyn can feel anything. Her legs are still numb. "And you'll have to keep him warm—he may not be able to regulate his temperature yet."

Cassian grabs another small green blanket from K1's mechanical hands, draping it over Jyn and their son, who seems to be sleeping for now.

"Send them in," Jyn requests.

"Are you sure?" Cassian asks. "K1 was saying you could feel pretty sick soon—when the medication starts wearing off—"

"Then you can kick them out then," Jyn says.

Cassian grins.

The first face Jyn sees is Bodhi, who covers his mouth, eyes shining. And then Chirrut, smiling so widely his cheeks look as if they'll rupture, and Baze, who's shaking his head in amazement. And then Jyn sees her father, coming toward her with his lips trembling.

She remembers the little Saw told her about her birth. Papa was allowed to come and be with her mother for it, but they were prisoners.

"I-it's a boy," Cassian says. "We have a son."

The baby whimpers as he stirs, Jyn shifting him so to others can see how absolutely perfect he is, from the nose—which is definitely Cassian's—to the eyes fringed in long lashes and the tufts of ebony hair on his head.

Her son's fingers reach out, grasping at the kyber crystal necklace. Jyn laughs.

"He's adorable," Bodhi says. "Beautiful."

"Your mother would love him," Papa chokes out, before breaking into tears. Bodhi helps him find a seat.

"You can hold him if you want," Jyn says. _For a minute or so, anyways_.

Cassian lifts their son up, handing him to Papa, who holds him as if he's holding a treasure. _Is this how you feel about me?_ Jyn wonders.

 _You meant it when you said you did whatever you did, you did to protect me._

 _You_ are _my hero, Papa._

Bodhi takes a turn holding him next, singing a few lines of some sort of song from his home world, and there's a note of sadness to his words.

 _We've lost a lot,_ Jyn knows.

 _But we've gained each other._ Baze takes him, and then Chirrut, who can't see him but still cries. "He's perfect."

"I agree," Jyn says with a snort.

"I'm so proud of you, Stardust," Papa says, brushing some matted strands of hair away from Jyn's face.

"We're naming him Galen," Cassian says.

Papa's jaw drops. "Why—what—"

"It's the perfect name, too," Chirrut declares.

"Because we admire you," Cassian tells Papa, and Galen covers his eyes, unable to speak.

 _I'd want my son to be like his grandfather,_ Jyn thinks. _Only with less suffering._

 _We have another chance._ Jyn presses her lips together to repress a sob. Her stomach churns. _Not again._ Her feet tingle. _Oh_. "Um, Cassian?" she rasps.

He glances back at her and catches her green pallor. "Everybody, can we have a few—you can come back in in a bit—"

They're barely out the door before Kaytoo helps her turn to vomit. Cassian takes their son, singing to him too, in a language Jyn doesn't recognize but that soothes her all the same.

* * *

It's only a few weeks later when they have to flee the base they've worked so hard to build.

Jyn scrambles onto their ship, clutching their son to her chest. Cassian shouts orders at Kaytoo. "Go! Now!" Cassian doesn't have the time to spare another glance at Echo Base. The attack started so suddenly that Cassian's only priority was to find Jyn and his son and get the hell out of there. The home they'd started to build, the tiny room with a miniature cradle and the medals they earned—gone.

 _Home's not gone._ Because Jyn and his son are here, her father, and his droid best friend and the three men he considers brothers.

 _Home's still here._ And the Rebellion's still alive. At least, from what Cassian understands, Skywalker and Princess Leia managed to escape as well.

"So much for all those years of work," Baze says.

"No," Cassian says. "We did it before. We did it again. We escaped. We're going to win this thing." He has more than hope now—he has faith, hope fueled by trust in the Force, in Jyn and Baze and Chirrut and Bodhi and all his friends, and the princess and Admiral Ackbar and the Rebellion.

And he doesn't have another choice. Cassian reaches for his son, cradling the wailing, terrified baby against his chest. "It's okay," he promises his son. "It's going to be okay."

"This isn't the end," Jyn declares. "Not for any of us, or the Rebellion."

"I remember what you said," Bodhi says, pointing at Jyn. "Right before Scarif. We take the next chance, and the next, until all our chances are spent."

 _People don't give up very easily in this galaxy_. Cassian rubs his son's back. "We're going to win this. We have to. Eventually."

Galen nods at all of them, fear still on his face, but hope beaming.

"I believe it," Chirrut says. "Victory's coming."


	6. Chapter 6

**Three months later**

" _Wait here until dawn. Promise me." Saw Gerrera's eyes bore into Jyn's own as he hands her a blaster._

" _Saw?" Jyn asks, blinking. "What would I need—"_

" _Just in case," Saw tells her as he takes a step back. "You can never be too careful." Dirt and gravel crunch under his boots as he walks out on her, and Jyn struggles not to cry. Because she knew, watching him leave, what she would find when she left the bunker the next morning._

 _No one._

Screams tear through her sleep.

Jyn yanks herself up, rolling over and up and stumbling towards her son. "It's okay," she assures him. "Mama's right here." He's hungry, and she presses him to her breast to nurse.

Cassian staggers up beside her, rubbing his eyes.

"Go back to sleep," Jyn mutters. They're due to meet up with Admiral Ackbar on _Home One_ within a few hours, and she and Cassian will need every ounce of sleep they can get to convince the Admiral and Mon Mothma they have any chance of thinking clearly enough to benefit the Alliance.

"Don't worry about me," Cassian says blearily.

"Cassian," Jyn says, catching his hand. "He's just hungry. Go back to sleep. I'll join you in a couple minutes."

Cassian hesitates, but exhaustion wins out. He crawls back over to their little pile of blankets.

The small ship they escaped on has been home the past few months, and as a result, no one's had very much privacy. Jyn knows she and Cassian aren't the only ones awake right now, because Galen's cries echo around them.

The baby settles down, but even when he stops eating, he still whimpers. Jyn sighs. _So it's going to be one of those nights, isn't it?_

Carrying her son on her hip, Jyn heads for the cockpit, where she finds Bodhi and Kaytoo sitting as they cut through space around them.

"Jyn Erso," says Kayoo. "I wish I could say your presence was unexpected, but it isn't. I heard you coming."

"He's just cranky and doesn't want to sleep," Jyn says as Galen begins full-out crying again. _Oh, no._

"Hey, it's all right," Bodhi says. "Babies are like that."

"Do you want to know what the odds are of you getting any more sleep tomorrow night?" Kaytoo asks. "They're low. Very low."

Jyn glowers. Bodhi sighs.

"She enjoys teasing me, so I can tease her too," Kaytoo insists.

"I think you need a new definition and new programming to determine better timing," Jyn replies, brushing at a stray strand of hair with her free hand. She fights a yawn.

"If I slow the ship down for a little bit, take it out of hyperspace just for a little while, maybe it would help," Bodhi says. "My father used to do that for me. When I was a child. I remember it."

"We do have time," Kaytoo allows.

"Worth a try," Jyn says, patting her son's back. "It's okay, Galen," she whispers. "Shh. Go back to sleep, please."

"I will vacate the seat," Kaytoo announces.

"Want an award for that?' Jyn asks.

"No." Kaytoo stands and moves away, allowing Jyn to drop into the seat. "It is just the beginning, Jyn. I told Cassian yesterday. You watch. He will never listen to you. It's in his genes."

Jyn rolls her eyes. She pries Galen away from her and sits him on her lap, so that he looks out at the stars and planets churning nearby.

"What one's that?" Jyn asks curiously.

"Tatooine," Bodhi says. "Luke Skywalker's home planet."

"Oh." Jyn bites her lip. She still can't believe he fought Darth Vader himself and only lost his hand. And as for the news about Han Solo—Jyn almost cried when she heard, and Cassian could only shake his head.

Galen's cries stall. Drool dribbles from his lips as he stares wide-eyed at the galaxy. Bodhi gives Jyn a grin. "Maybe you have a future pilot."

"Maybe we do." Jyn runs her fingers through her son's soft baby hair. "Your father wasn't an Imperial pilot though, was he?"

"My—no." Bodhi shakes his head. "I joined, because I wanted to earn enough money—to make them proud. But they died, and then, of course, once you join you don't exactly get to quit."

He's told her about their deaths before, but Jyn nods. "It was like that with Saw Gerrera too. People seldom wanted to leave, but if they did, they were killed. I didn't realize it when I was working with him. I guess I figured I'd become too much of a burden when he dumped me."

 _Did you love me like a daughter?_ Jyn wonders. Because she thought of him like a second father, but no, Saw would never use that term, because Jyn knew that whenever he looked at her he saw Galen, and to think of her as his own daughter would be to betray his beloved friend.

 _If it weren't for your principles, Saw, maybe you could have._

 _Maybe a lot of years of pain for both of us could have been avoided_.

"He wasn't terribly kind to me when they picked me up," Bodhi says with a smirk. "Bor Gullet."

Jyn shakes her head. Galen's eyes start to droop, but he keeps peering out at a nebula. Bodhi smiles as he watches the baby. "That creature's terrifying. I'm sorry he made it read your mind. He changed from the last time I saw him, and even more since the last time my father saw him."

Bodhi shrugs. "It all worked out in the end. He'd be proud. We haven't give up. I mean, he'd still probably hate me, but with Luke Skywalker and the Death Star's destruction, even with Hoth's attack—we still have plenty of reason to hope."

Galen's eyelids drift shut, but Jyn waits a bit longer just to ensure he's asleep. "Is that what your heart's telling you?"

"Yeah," Bodhi says. "Because now, even if I die, I'm not their pawn. I get to make my own choices. I've tried to make things right and done a—decent—job of it."

"I'd say more than decent," Jyn says as she eases herself up.

"He talked about you," Bohdi says. "Multiple times. He thought he'd never see you again."

"Jyn," says Kaytoo, appearing again. Jyn jumps. _When did he leave?_

Thankfully, Galen stays asleep.

"I'll watch your child for the rest of the night," Kaytoo says. "So you and Cassian can get some sleep. I have a bottle and I know how to change him, so I am more than capable."

"I imagine Cassian told you you had to offer?" Jyn asks.

"No," Kaytoo admits. "My programmings are telling me you and Cassian are barely functioning."

"Remind me to thank your programmer," Jyn says. "Or reprogrammer."

"That is the thanks I get?"

"No," Jyn says. " _Thank_ you."

* * *

"Good to see you, Captain Andor, Sergeant Erso," Mon Monthma greets them as they file into the briefing area inside of _Home One_. Cassian holds Galen on his hip, the baby looking all around at all the new people, at the white and brown of this ship as opposed to the raw metal of the small one they've been cooped up on for months. Galen's lips twist into a smile that melts Cassian's heart. He grabs a small cloth and uses it to wipe up the drool spilling down his son's chin.

And then Cassian sees a face that almost stops his heart. _Draven._

He hasn't heard from his former superior since Hoth. Truthfully, Cassian assumed he was dead.

The man crosses his eyes, mouth puckered as he takes in Jyn and their son. He's willing to be he knows exactly what thoughts stream though Draven's head: that these are unnecessary distractions, potential impediments to the cause.

Like Cassian, like Jyn and Bodhi and Galen Erso and Chirrut and Baze, Draven lost everything to the Empire. And he's given everything he has left to it. Like Cassian did until Jyn was dragged into his life, handcuffed and scowling.

From the spark in her eye, Cassian can tell she's remembering that interrogation as well.

"So this is your son," Mon Mothma says, coming closer with a gentle smile.

"He's grown so much," Ackbar squawks, aghast.

"Yes," Cassian says, glancing at his son. Pride swells inside him. "Babies tend to do that."

"What's his name?" Draven asks, still lingering in the corner, but cocking his head in curiosity.

"Galen," Jyn answers before Cassian can. "After my father."

"How beautiful," says Mon Mothma. "I bet that made you proud, Galen Senior."

Jyn's father's weathered face breaks into a smile as he ducks his face. "Very proud." His arms stay tightly crossed, as if he can tell Draven has no love for him. Of course, that's nothing new.

"Have you met—" Mon Mothma starts, before shaking her head. "Hold on." And she presses one of the buttons. "Shara Bey? Yes, it's me. Could you and Kes come here for a moment?"

"The Damerons?" Cassian asks. He remembers Kes, vaguely, and hearing he'd gotten married.

"Yes," Mon Mothma says. "They have a son as well, about a year old."

Jyn laughs. Draven looks as if he'd rather be anywhere than a room with two babies.

Shara Bey bursts through the door first, followed by Kes, a pilot if Cassian recalls correctly. Kes carries a small boy with thick black hair and a big grin on his face.

"Oh!" exclaims Shara Bey. "Sorry, it's just—there aren't a lot of children around, so—how old is he?"

"Three months," Cassian answers. "I'm Cassian Andor, and this is—"

"Jyn Erso," she says, shaking Shara Bey's hand and nodding to Kes, who introduces himself next.

"We know," Kes says, and he gives them a nod of respect. Draven raises his brows. Cassian tries to ignore him, focusing on Jyn's smile and on the weight of his son in his arms.

"We do have a meeting," Ackbar reminds them. "To attend to."

 _Right._ Cassian's only glad Ackbar's comments are devoid of the rebuke he's sure Draven's would have. "Galen, why don't you take him?" he suggests, even though a part of him wants to keep his son close. "While we have our meeting?"

"I'd love to." Galen takes his namesake from Cassian's arms. The sudden loss of warmth makes Cassian inhale. His son cries out.

"Shh, it's all right," Galen says, bouncing the baby. "Grandpa's right here." He looks over his shoulder to Cassian and gives him a nod—of encouragement?

Cassian swallows.

"Who's the one standing behind Ackbar?" Chirrut mumbles to Jyn, rolling his staff between his palms. Baze narrows his eyes at Draven.

Cassian doesn't linger to hear the response. He strides forward. "What have you got?"

"Leia Organa and Skywalker are attempting to uncover where Solo is, with the mind of, I'd assume, staging a rescue operation," Mon Mothma says. "We think you might be able to help with that."

"How?" Jyn demands, stepping forwards.

"Would you want to?" Draven asks. "With your child?"

Jyn's gaze is the equivalent of a lightsaber running through Draven. Cassian winces. "I remember what it was like to feel as if you had no friends. On Wobani I thought no one would come and I would die. No one deserves to feel like that. But you came. If we can rescue Han Solo, we should."

"Yes," Bodhi says instantly. "I agree."

Cassian wonders whether Draven regrets authorizing that particular operation. He remembers thinking it reckless himself—investing an awful lot into the possibility that a criminal might be willing to help them, or that they could at least sufficiently blackmail her into getting them the access to Saw Gerrera that they needed. Investing, essentially, only in hope.

 _Rebellions are built on hope._

It more than paid off.

Chirrut nods. "The Force is with the princess. It will be with us, too."

"There are some planets we might be able to arrange meet-ups with contacts," Mon Mothma says.

"And what do you think, Captain Andor?" asks Draven, stepping closer. Cassian's heart picks up pace.

"I agree with Jyn," Cassian says, his gaze unwavering. "We should try."

"Good," barks Ackbar. As he launches into the details, Cassian can feel Draven's eyes glued to him, burning into him like lasers.

* * *

"Captain Andor," Draven says, so formal now as he claps Cassian on the shoulder. "Let's have a word."

Jyn's eyes narrow, and she lingers nearby.

"One minute," Cassian tells Draven. He grasps Jyn behind the neck. "I can handle this."

She hesitates, but Baze and Chirrut both nod. Bodhi's engaged in conversation with Ackbar about the life length of Imperial access codes.

"I trust you," Jyn says at last, taking a step back.

Those words breathe into Cassian exactly what he needed to hear. He nods and turns to Draven. They walk through the corridors of the frigate, pausing in front of a windshield. _Galen would like the view of the stars,_ Cassian thinks. Nerves twitch in his fingers. He folds his arms, trying to keep his breathing calm.

"I was glad to see that you were unharmed," Draven says.

"You as well," Cassian returns. _Between us, how many men are we murderers of?_

"I'm interested in your opinion," Draven says, hands resting on the rail. "Do you really think this is the best way to spend our time and efforts?"

"The rescue mission?" Cassian asks, although he knows already that's what Draven means. Because it's a detour, isn't it, at its heart? Detours and uncertainties have no place in a crushing war, where momentum is everything, and right now they need to halt the Empire's momentum, gain back what they lost after Hoth.

"Solo's a good man," Draven says. "But he's no better than the thousands of soldiers who've been lost in this fight. The Empire—"

"I know," Cassian says. "But he's worth it to Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker. If they think this is necessary, I trust them."

"Even if it's more for personal gain than for—"

"I think rescuing a friend," Cassian says. "Is more than worth it. It's—hardly a distraction." He thinks of all the nights he's spent rolling dice with Baze and listening to Chirrut tease them both and make—usually incorrect—predictions about what they'll roll. He thinks of Baze wiping spit-up from Galen's mouth, and Bodhi singing that lullaby to Galen, and all the times he and Bodhi have sat in that cockpit, trading stories and joking, laughing, and of Kaytoo, who might be a droid but is nothing like an it to Cassian, the droid who told him after Galen was a week old, while they were still on Hoth: " _You are happy. Good_."

And he sees the other Galen, still brewing tea for him and Jyn, and Jyn, the woman he loves, the woman who gave their son her eyes and his life, the woman who's stupidly brave and whose recklessness inspires him.

 _Are you with me?_

 _All the way._

There's no corner of the galaxy he wouldn't look for any of them in.

"Hm." Draven frowns. "You were one of the best intelligence agents we ever had, Cassian. Your work saved the lives of millions."

 _So did Galen Erso's_. Aloud he says: "It also took lives. For the cause, but—"

"You think I don't know that?" Draven asks. "Did you do any of it without thinking it was necessary?"

 _Maybe we just weren't creative enough. But_ —"At the time, no."

"You resent me, don't you," Draven states. "For giving you orders."

Cassian glances at the man, who glares outside at the vacuum of space. "You have to understand, Cassian, I never ordered any assassination without thinking it absolutely necessary."

 _I do understand._

 _But maybe fear clouded our judgments. Maybe not. We'll never know_. "I don't blame you," Cassian says.

Draven glances sharply at him.

"I made my own choices," Cassian says, turning to face his old commander. "We all did, didn't we?" _And we tried to make the best of them. Galen Erso did. We did. Chirrut did, when he chose to stay with his desecrated temple even if it meant begging, and Baze did, when he chose to stay with the man he loved even when that man clung to a faith that Baze felt betrayed him_. "We believe in the same cause. That's never going to change."

"Not even if your girlfriend—wife?—changes her mind?"

"Soon-to-be wife," Cassian says. "And you underestimate her. She and her father saved us all."

"I know," Draven answers, looking back out the window, as if he's staring at something other than just darkness.

Cassian blinks. He didn't expect that response.

"For now."

"That's all we need," Cassian says. "For now. Time, for more chances. We'll keep taking every chance we get."

Draven swallows and nods. "Good to see you, Cassian." He holds out his hand, and Cassian shakes it.

He glances over his shoulder and catches Draven still watching him as he walks away.

Cassian turns the corner and breaks into a jog, heading for the cabins they'll be staying in. He punches in the code and waits for the sliding doors to open.

"Cassian!" Jyn whirls around.

"How did it go?" Baze drawls, sprawled across the floor with a cup of blue milk in his hand.

"Can't you tell?" Chirrut asks. "His prison's gone."

"When was Captain Andor in prison?" Kaytoo asks. "This sounds like a story I do not have full details on and would very much like to know."

"Jedha," Baze supplies.

"Papa's still got Galen," Jyn says.

"That wasn't the prison I was talking about," Chirrut says.

"I'll leave you to discuss it, then," Cassian says, grasping Jyn's hand and pulling her along. He presses open another door. _We have time. Possibly more than in months_. "It went as well as could be expected."

Jyn snorts.

Cassian doesn't want to talk about Draven, not now. _You—you are part of what gives me hope_.

He presses his lips against hers, lips hungry and digging in. She arches back against the wall, her fingers wrapped around his skull. His heart beats faster. Sweat gleams on her brow.

He tears himself away, only for a moment. " _Thank_ you," he says.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! I have one small fluffy chapter left. I hope to get it up tomorrow, because after that I'll be traveling in a place with not a ton of internet access for the next two weeks.**


	7. Chapter 7

"May the Force be with you," Leia tells Jyn. The princess's face seems thinner now to Jyn. She stands next to Galen, who's agreed to watch his grandson for the three days this trip is expected to take.

"We'll find him," Jyn assures Leia.

Leia nods, her eyes flashing with just as much fire as ever. "Someone will."

 _You love him,_ Jyn realizes as she turns to her son, kissing his cheek. "I'll be back soon. I promise." This will be the first time she leaves her son since giving birth to him, almost four months ago now, and she hates it. Judging from the pale pallor of Cassian's face, he's anxious too.

"Rogue One, ready to depart," Bodhi says as they climb on board. Jyn glances over her shoulder, remembering all the times Papa was gone when she was young, off with Krennic working on making the galaxy great.

" _They'll use that technology again," Papa said a few days earlier. "The Empire. I know they will."_

Jyn shudders at the thought.

"We'll be all right," Chirrut says to her. "Fear is not stronger than love."

"Here's to hoping," Baze mutters darkly. At Chirrut's eye roll, he sighs. " _And_ praying."

"When we get back," Cassian mutters to Jyn. "We should get married."

Jyn almost chokes on the water she's drinking. She screws the cap back on her canteen.

"If you want to," Cassian adds.

"I already said yes," she points out.

"He still can't believe it sometimes," Kaytoo puts in as the ship jolts and then begins speeding through space.

"Shut up, Kaytoo," Cassian snaps.

"Oh, finally, he's being rude to you too," Jyn says.

"There is no hope for me," Kaytoo says mournfully.

"Sorry, Kaytoo," Cassian says. "I didn't mean—"

"No, you wanted me to shut up."

Cassian shrugs.

"And yes," Jyn says, turning to Cassian. "Let's get married when we get back." _I don't want to wait,_ Jyn realizes. She's seen Leia's pain, although the princess—well, she's renounced her title—refuses to cave in to it. Love for her father, the millions on her planet, and now Han Solo keep fuelling her even if no one's around to see it.

But Han might be. And that's what Jyn's determined to find out. And with her own father's grim prediction about the Death Star technology, Jyn can't stand the thought of waiting another month.

Cassian's face breaks into a smile. "Good."

"Although I think a baby is as big of a commitment, if nor more so," Jyn jokes. Cassian snorts, and she leans in to peck him on the lips. At Kaytoo's sigh, she opens her mouth, pressing deeper.

"Chirrut, I envy you," Kaytoo laments.

"Really?" Baze snaps.

Jyn breaks away from Cassian, both panting slightly.

"Something to look forward to," Baze grunts. "A wedding."

"How come you two never got married?" asks Bodhi as he emerges from the cockpit, pulling his goggles off his face.

"We did," Chirrut says with a grin.

"You never told us that," Kaytoo says, offended.

"Kaytoo's right," Jyn says as she leans back against Cassian. "You never did."

"I want that phrase printed and hung on this ship," Kaytoo says. _"Kaytoo's right."_

"What are the odds of that?" Jyn asks.

Kaytoo slumps. "Very low."

"It was just us two left," Chirrut says. "Of the Guardians. Everyone else was dead, or couldn't stand to stay in the city. After a few years, we kind of married ourselves. It was very quiet."

Baze smirks. "Quiet until bombs went off."

"I joked that it was fireworks and he was not amused," Chirrut reports.

Cassian laughs, his arm tightening around Jyn. She likes this, as strange as it feels to be held by someone. Her breasts ache, and she misses Galen. Both Galens, really.

 _What if we don't come back?_

 _We will,_ Jyn assures herself.

For the first time in a long time, she has something to lose on this mission.

* * *

The planet turns out to be somewhat of a jungle, although supposedly Jabba the Hutt has enemies here, enemies that could have valuable information.

Jyn's boots sink in the russet mud, which squelches with each step she takes. Sweat dampens her hair, and her shirt clings to her skin.

" _Well," Bodhi said as they were leaving. "Doesn't look as if we'll be missing much by staying with the ship this time, Kaytoo."_

" _Why would you choose boring?" Kaytoo complained._

Jyn slaps at a bug that bites her skin with a pinch.

"We should split up," Cassian says.

"Huh?" Jyn pants, pausing. Something slithers nearby and she cringes.

"There are three encampments our contact could be at," Cassian points out. "It's taking too long to slog through this forest, and we want to be gone by nightfall. Baze and Chirrut, you two should go to the one south of here, that's just down that hill."

"So we're splitting up," Jyn says. _You and me._

He casts her a desperate look. "Trust me?"

"I trust you," Jyn says.

Hours later, with no luck, Jyn's regretting her decision. Especially when she arrives back at the ship, covered in bites and with an aching shoulder from some asshole who's now in a lot of pain with a shattered kneecap, and finds Chirrut similarly discouraged, and no Cassian and no Baze.

"Where is he?" Jyn demands.

"We heard blaster fire from Cassian's encampment," Chirrut reports. "I went to find you. Baze went to find Cassian."

"Shit," Jyn says, grasping her blaster and turning around.

"They're okay," Chirrut promises.

"And what if they're not?" Jyn demands, her voice cracking. Panic digs into her wrists.

 _Jyn, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. So you understand?_

 _I'm sick of people trying to protect me!_

Bodhi appears, brow creased with worry and Kaytoo behind him. "Don't you dare say anything about the odds," Jyn warns him.

"Jyn," Chirrut says.

"Aren't you afraid for Baze?" she demands.

Chirrut nods. "But I love him. Through the force, we will always find each other."

 _Is that enough?_ Jyn wonders, her figners scraping against the kyber crystal dangling from her neck. Her mother's one with the Force, has been for years, and there are still many a night when she sees her drop to that soaked green ground, sees a white cape billowing behind the man she still despises. "It won't be enough for Galen," she says.

"No one's really gone, though," Chirrut says, coming closer. "When they're with the Force, they're still there still guiding you. Your mother's always been watching you, Jyn. She's proud. And Cassian—he and Baze are not one with the Force, not yet. I can sense it." He lifts his hand, and she clutches it, remembering that night when they left Eadu, when he took her hand and gave her the courage to confront Cassian.

" _Trust the Force," Mama encouraged her._

 _And then you left me._

Jyn wipes at her eyes. Bodhi squeezes her shoulder. Kaytoo even remains silent.

"All is as the Force wills it," Churrut says. "We are not perfect beings, but when we are with the force, we are complete. Love guides us, and hope."

Jyn buries her face in Chirrut's shoulder. _Please,_ she thinks. _Bring Cassian back to me._

A snap, and then a crack. Jyn jumps.

Baze's voice cuts through, cursing.

"Baze!" Chirrut shouts.

And Cassian. They both break through the thick trees, Cassian batting a vine away from his head and Baze glancing behind his shoulder as if something might be following them. Cassian's mouth goes slack when he sees that Jyn's been crying.

He runs towards her, and she's still frozen, mud-soaked legs rooted to the ground. _Screw it_. Jyn breaks into a run, throwing her arms around him. "You scared me!" she shouts, chest heaving as she punches him in the back.

Cassian coughs. "It took longer than I expected."

"Do you have—"

"I have a lead, yes," Cassian says. "But we've gotta go."

Jyn pries herself away to dart onto the ship. Bodhi darts into the cockpit.

"Well, I'm glad everyone's happy now," grumbles Kaytoo. "Once again, Cassian Andor, you've defied the odds."

"Were they that bad?" Cassian asks with a frown.

"You sent yourself to the most dangerous—" Jyn starts.

"Actually, that's not the case, Jyn Erso," Kaytoo says. "Yours and his were both the equally dangerous, and Chirrut and Baze's more so. The fact that no fighting erupted in your encampment—especially given your volatile history—is nothing short of a miracle."

 _You knew I could handle it,_ Jyn realizes. _And you were trying to protect our son._

Chirrut smiles at her. _You knew!_

"Well, there was some fighting," Jyn admits, settling back with her arms still around Cassian's neck. "I kicked out some idiot's knee."

"I presume he deserved it," Kaytoo says. "Although the alternative is equally likely."

"Have some faith in me!" she hollers as the droid heads away.

"I leave that to Chirrut."

"You were worried?" Cassian asks, his fingers coming to rest on her chin.

"Of course I was worried," Jyn snaps. "Wouldn't you have been?"

"I would have been desperate," Cassian confesses, and he presses her head to his chest. His heart beats slow, steady, and the rhythm soothes Jyn.

 _You're not going to leave me._

 _We have a son. We're getting married._

 _You love me._

* * *

Cassian remembers the first time he saw Jyn, dragged into that room with Mon Mothma and Draven, her shackled and scowling, clearly afraid and no less brave for it.

She doesn't look afraid today. She's fighting a smile, and failing.

He remembers when they were in Jedha, when he saw her flick out that baton and take on an entire squad of stormtroopers without any help, and how he thought for the first time, _damn, you would make a good agent in the Alliance._ He admired her, for her strength.

Now, as she steps closer to him and he takes her hands, fingers interlocking, he admires her for the vulnerability radiating from her face.

And after Eadu, how she confronted him and how he deflected her questions before realizing that she wouldn't be satisfied without the truth. She trusted him, and he broke that trust. And then in Yavin, at the base, when she forgave him—she didn't have to say _welcome home_ in that moment. It was her way of saying _welcome to your second chance._

In this moment, as they repeat their vows, Cassian promises never to deceive her again.

He remembers being on Scarif, panic chewing at him as he watched the Imperial officer hold a blaster at Jyn and heard her bold declaration of who she was and what she'd done.

He hears her voice vowing to love him now, and he knows he's a part of her and she's a part of him.

He held her back from attacking Krennic, because he knew she was not a murderer, and would rather die than let her experience that black, black guilt.

"You may kiss," Ackbar directs.

Cassian dips his head, his lips brushing Jyn's gently at first, and then sinking deeper as he leans her back with a flourish he knows will grate Kaytoo. Hoots and cheers erupt around them.

When he pulls away, Jyn's beaming at him, draped in a simple dress loaned from Shara Bey, her hair free and glossy. He sees Chirrut's arm interlaced with Baze's, both of them grinning, and Bodhi standing next to Galen, who holds their son in his arms, all of them clapping. Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker stand next to each other, Luke with his new hand and Leia with a wistful smile.

 _Now you know,_ Cassian thinks. _I won't ever leave you._

Although, he suspects she already knew it.

There's a small party afterwards, complete with Bodhi having a few too many drinks and dancing with one of the woman pilots. Jyn's father comes over and says no words, simply grabs both of them and embraces them. Cassian can feel Galen shuddering as he represses a sob.

"Papa," Jyn says, taking him in her arms, and Cassian holds him too.

Through the mass of laughter and conversations, Cassian hears familiar giggle and spins around to see Kaytoo holding baby Galen above his head, at a precarious angle.

"Kaytoo!" bellows Cassian, charging towards the droid.

"He likes it," Kaytoo says. "He's laughing."

"You'll drop him!" Jyn cries as Cassian reaches for his son.

"I would never drop him," Kaytoo answers, handing Galen to Cassian. "He's too cute. I would have to reprogram myself in punishment."

"My word," Jyn says. "It's almost as if you have a heart."

The baby gurgles, grinning and blowing bubbles of spit as he looks from Cassian to Jyn. Cassian's heart melts and he kisses his son's forehead.

"I don't, but I do have to say, Jyn Erso-Andor, that I'm coming to appreciate your strange behavior, even though you're continually bringing out strange behavior in Cassian too."

Jyn laughs. "Glad to hear it. And, Kaytoo, it's funny, because I'm coming to trust you."

Cassian smirks as he bounces Galen on his hip. The baby's stick hand reaches out to grab at Cassian's nose. He laughs.

"I would hope you already trusted me! I'm programmed; I can't betray—"

"With the _baby_ ," Jyn interjects. "Keep giving me more nights off, and maybe I'll buy you more blasters. As long as you don't use them around Galen."

"The odds would be too—"

"Good," Jyn says. "If he's as reckless as you say he'll be, he's going to need a sensible best friend."

Cassian laughs. "I agree. Although Kaytoo's my best friend too, so."

"You know," Kaytoo says. "Your match may not make sense logically, but watching you two, it does."

Jyn leans in and pecks Cassian on the lips. She lowers her face until it's even with Galen's, blowing out her cheeks to make him laugh.

"Cassian," says a voice. "Jyn."

They both turn around to find Draven standing there, hands stuffed in his pockets. He nods awkwardly. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Jyn says.

 _Well._ Cassian's impressed. He nods back. "Thank you."

Draven opens his mouth as if considering saying something else, and then closes it. He nods again and strides away.

"It will take time," Chirrut says, appearing with a glass of wine in his hand.

"Chirrut, you drink?" Cassian asks.

"No, it's Baze's."

"Liar," Baze says as he presses through the crowd, hand landing on Chirrut's shoulder. "You're having one drink."

Chirrut shrugs. "It's not half bad."

"Galen watching Galen tonight?" Bodhi asks, staggering over with a loopy grin on his face.

Cassian flushes. "Bodhi—"

"Yeah," Jyn says.

"So tell us the truth, Chirrut," says Mon Mothma as she sweeps down on them. "Did you ever think, when you first met them, that these two would—"

"The Force moves in myseterious ways," Chirrut says. "Yes."

Cassian shakes his head. _We were so different then._

 _We've changed._

 _We'll keep changing._

He feels Jyn's hand slip into his and remembers the first time she took his breath away.

 _Trust goes both ways_.

He trusts her with his life, with their son, with his future. And he sees his father-in-law, his friends, the agents he's known for years and the ones whose names he still can't quite remember just yet, and Leia with her determination and Luke with the hope on his face, Lando with his contrition and amazement at being welcomed anyways.

 _We all have a place here._

Everyone in the galaxy has a place, and the Empire is determined only for certain species to have it. _We'll fight for that.  
_

Cassian shifts their son and leans down to kiss Jyn again.

 _We found home._

* * *

 **Thank you for reading!**


End file.
